


Who Says You Can't Choose Your Family?

by prosfan



Series: Family Matters [1]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: AU, Gen, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-03 09:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4095238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prosfan/pseuds/prosfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robbie Lewis hasn't seen James Hathaway for 6 years. Then one day he turns up on Lewis' doorstep out of the blue, scared and in trouble. And who's that James has brought with him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic series in April 2012 and I finished it a few weeks ago in May 2015. So naturally the whole thing is AU now. And I've just now got the courage to post it on here. It was all inspired by Hathaway singing 'Row Your Boat' to a child in Fearful Symmetry. I really enjoyed that scene and wanted to see more of the same, and it all got away from me. 
> 
> There are five fics in this series, and they are all fully completed on my fanfiction.net account under the same name (prosfan) if you would like to read them there before I finish posting them up on here. There will be minor tweaks to this version, but nothing regarding plot, just grammar/spelling tweaks.

 

Waving Lyn and her family off from the doorstep, Robbie Lewis grinned. He always loved it when they came down, even though it took it right out of him these days. Lyn's son was nine now, growing up big and strong. Lewis realised that soon, they'd have to stop their play fights, the boy was in serious danger of causing him some sort of injury. He wanted to be a policeman too. Must run in the family. Then again, every nine year old boy wanted to be a policeman.

Of course, being seventy years old might have something to do with the fact that the youngster would be getting better at fighting him. Robbie had to admit, however much he didn't want to, that he was getting old. _Getting old? Got old more likely Robbie._ He also has to admit, that those years of microwave meals are making themselves known to him. He's still pretty trim, not much worse than he was when he was an inspector, but he knows his insides could be a damn sight healthier than they are.

Blimey, seventy! That means he retired eight years ago. What has he done with those eight years?

He wonders how James is doing. He's not heard from him for a long while. He became an inspector when Lewis retired. Robbie had been so proud of him. Hathaway has to be nearing forty-three now. Robbie grins, he can't imagine the younger man being over forty. James was always so youthful. He really hasn't heard from James in a long time. Last time he saw the younger man, would have been a few weeks after his wedding. That had to be all of 7 years ago. James had married Chrissy, a lovely nurse from the John Radcliffe. Lewis had been their best man. It'd been a beautiful wedding. Of course, Lewis had made the customary jokes about James punching above his weight, but he was really made up for the lad. It felt like watching a son growing up. It felt like it had when Ken had phoned to tell him that he was coming home. Robbie Lewis had long since accepted that while he had only one daughter, he pretty much had two sons.

Or did have. He didn't know where Hathaway was living now, he didn't even know if James still lived in Oxford. He didn't have a phone number for him either. Well he did, but the bloody thing was never on. It had worried him a little at the time, it wasn't like James to just disappear. But soon, the demands of helping to bring up a grandson took over and he let the worry dissipate.

He made a mental note to try and find Hathaway sometime soon. He missed the lad and he wanted to know how him and Chrissy were doing. He looked around for a pen so he could write a reminder down on the pad he kept by the phone. His memory wasn't what it used to be these days. He was still sharp as a tack though. He constantly thanked whoever was answerable, that he still had his mental faculties, it was just his body that was gradually letting his down, as was its custom in old age.

Just then his thoughts were interrupted by a ring at the door. His whirlwind of a grandson barrelled across the threshold and into the hallway, talking ten to the dozen and breathing heavily. Eventually Robbie grasped that the kid had forgotten his Nintendo something-or-other and that his Mum was waiting in the car up the road so he had to be quick. After they successfully scouted out the missing games console, Robbie walked the lad back up the road, with a hand on his back. He let the boy's chatter wash over him. He was a great believer that kids made you young again. He stood watching as the car disappeared around the corner and slowly made his way back to his home and his bed, all thoughts of James Hathaway forgotten.

 

*********************************

 

Lewis didn't think about Hathaway for another week. He probably would have, had it not been for his grandson interrupting his note taking. But as it was, _Call J_ , was written in small letters at the top of the pad and he didn't give it a second thought.

Ironically, this didn't matter, because a day later, James Hathaway would come crashing back into his life.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Robbie sat in his armchair, contemplating that his back was hurting more recently. He should probably go to the doctors about that, though he knew he wouldn't. He knew full well that he wouldn't go unless it got really, really bad. Or unless Lyn told him to go. And even that was a push. But all in all, he knew he was lucky. He was wearing well for a man of his age. He could still hear and see, although not as well as he had been able to 20 years earlier, but that was par for the course. He was still mobile and he could still reason. That was good enough for Robbie Lewis. It wasn't like he wanted to run a marathon or something anyway.

 

Robbie looked out of the window, before drawing the curtains. It was raining and the street looked cold. He smiled, glad that his house was well heated and went to make a cup of tea. Once he had the piping hot drink ready, he sat back down and flicked the television on

 

He was on the verge of falling asleep, the result of a good meal and a warm house, when the doorbell rang. Lewis almost decided against answering, after all he wasn't expecting anyone. But Robbie wasn't the sort of guy to leave someone stood out on his doorstep, even if his back was protesting vehemently at being made to move.

 

He was totally unprepared for what awaited him.

 

The door opened, although he had to fight against the wind to make it so. The rain from before had turned into a fully fledged storm. Head bowed against the elements, he pulled the door back and gasped at what was before him.

“H-Hathaway?” The ex sergeant nodded, a hesitant smile on his face. He was soaked through, his shirt clinging to him where it had been uncovered by his coat. He still looked as Lewis remembered him, still with the cropped hair. That same hair was now glistening with damp.

“Lewis...I'm sorry for turning up like this, really I am but-”

“James you've always been welcome, I only wish you'd come by sooner....Now what was that but?”

“But...We need somewhere to stay, just for tonight see and I didn't know where else to go.”

“We?” enquired Lewis, wondering where James' companion was, he couldn't see Chrissy. James twisted around and when he turned back, he was holding a young boy. A young boy with a shock of blond hair who was unmistakeably James Hathaway's. As soon as he clapped eyes on Lewis, the lad buried his head in James' neck and clung on to his coat tighter.

“Sammy? Sorry sir, he's shy and probably tired.” Lewis smiled at the boy winningly.

“Well, Sam is it?” The little boy removed his head from the fabric long enough to nod uncertainly. “Well Sam, we can't have you freezing out here can we?” James smiled gratefully and nodded at his son when the boy looked to him for guidance.

“Go on Sam, its fine.” Once the lad had his dad's approval, he clambered down from James' shoulder and then took Robbie's offered hand.

“Come on James, bring your stuff with you. I'm assuming you've got stuff.”

“Yeah. Thank you so much.” Lewis waved the hand that hadn't been commandeered by a child in the air to silence him.

“Don't worry about it James. But you've got some explaining to do.” he said in that matter-of-fact tone that James remembered so well, as he shut the door behind him.

 

*****************

 

They sat and had some food after Lewis had found out that James and Sam hadn't eaten since early evening. Lewis had insisted that, since it was half nine at night, Sam at least was going to have some food.

So it was that all three of them sat there at quarter to ten, eating beans on toast. Lewis had a thousand questions, but James looked so tired that he didn't want to push the lad. Once Sam had finished his food, he immediately climbed down from the table and walked over to the bags that Hathaway had dumped in the hall. Pulling a Thomas the Tank Engine one from the pile, he tugged it open and sat on the floor. James and Lewis watched him, Lewis marvelling at the fact that his once celibate and intense sergeant had a son. He would never have doubted that James would make a good father, he just never expected to see it. James was smiling softly and as Lewis noticed, he was unable to stop his own face softening as he watched James looking at his son as tenderly as he'd once looked at a young Lyn or Ken. Eventually, Sam pulled a small blanket out of the bag and smiled triumphantly. The little boy then walked over to James and tugged on his jeans, until his father picked him up and pulled Sam onto his lap. From this 'safe' position, Sam regarded Lewis warily, comfort blanket pulled up to his nose, still unsure about the older man despite the fact that his Dad seemed to be at ease with him. Robbie and James made small talk, mainly about the crazy weather patterns and the state of the worlds economy for a little while until Robbie noticed that Sam had fallen asleep curled into James' side. He'd sensed that Hathaway didn't want to talk with his young son in the room.

 

“You'd better put him to bed Jim. The spare room has a big enough double bed. I don't have anything kid sized. Lyn's son sleeps on the sofa but I think Sam is a little too young to be left down here on his own.”

“If you're sure sir, honestly if it's too much trouble we can-”

“Oh no James, if you think I'm sending you and that kid out into a storm to find somewhere to sleep...don't be stupid. You can't go traipsing around Oxford with a...How old is he?”

“Turned four three days ago sir.”

“You can't go traipsing around the city with a four year old in tow. Its not fair on him. Go on Jim, take him upstairs.” James nodded, slightly floored by the generosity of his old boss as he shifted Sam onto his hip.

“Thank you sir. We won't stay long, I promise, I'll find somewhere else tomor-”

“-James, you can stay here as long as you need to. On one condition.”

“Sir?”

“You explain to me. Everything.” James considered trying to make up an excuse, but he saw that Lewis wouldn't be having any of it. He gave a short nod and grabbed two of the bags he had with him, before heading upstairs with his son.

 

***************************************

 

Ten minutes later, James reappeared.

“How he manages to get changed into pyjama’s while he's still pretty much asleep, I'll never know. I'm lucky he was half asleep though.”

“Why's that?”

“He'd never have let me leave him in there on his own if he'd been awake.” Lewis smiled fondly, his bairns had gone through similar stages, although thankfully at different times. His expression suddenly turned more serious.

“I'll put the kettle on James. And then, we need to talk.”

 

They sat down with the tea and James sighed.

“Look sir, I would have told you all this before, but...its all abit...I didn't know what to do or think or...and then just now. I didn't want to say anything in front of Sammy. He's a smart little boy.”

“I understand Jim. There are some thing that kids, especially one so young, shouldn't be around for. But he's in bed now. So you can talk. Firstly though, I'm not in the force any more, stop calling me sir.”

“Yes sir.” Lewis rolled his eyes while James grinned and for a spilt second, the years fell away and they were the dynamic duo once again. As soon as the moment happened though, it was gone. Lewis was aware that the conversation was going to get heavy. Starting with one small detail;

“Jim...Where's Chrissy?” Robbie saw the stiffening of the shoulders and the way James swallowed and he knew what had happened. He'd been there himself.

“She died. A year ago. A year ago on Tuesday. She died eight days after our son turned three.” He swallowed again and Lewis fought the urge to get up and hug him. He'd never have thought that James Hathaway could have looked more young and lost as he had in that hospital bed after Zoe Kenneth had tried to kill him at the age of twenty-nine. Fourteen years later and the man now looked exactly how he had, if not more. Robbie wondered if he had looked that lost after Val had died. He doubted it, he'd just looked drunk.

“I'm so sorry kidda. Really, so sorry. What...What happened?”

“Mugged. She was mugged in London, we moved there you see. Some yob held her at knife point and then stabbed her. That's what the Met say anyway.”

“Did they catch him?”

“Oh yeah, they caught the little shit that did it. He's bloody lucky. Got 6 years. He'd have got eternity if I'd got to him first.” There was fire blazing in Hathaway's eyes, and it scared Lewis a little.

“You could have found me at any time Jim, why wait a year?”

“I couldn't face explaining it to people. I couldn't face telling people she was...well you must know. I'm sorry, I didn't think...Shit I should have gone somewhere else.” Lewis reached out a hand to touch his former sergeants arm.

“Don't be stupid Jim. I know how you feel. At least I think I do, I was mostly drunk for the first year.”

“I think I would have been, if it wasn't for Sammy. He still asks for her you know. When he's tired or upset. He doesn't get death, but he gets me.” Lewis smiled sadly.

“What did you tell him?” James sighs quietly.

“The truth. He doesn't get what 'dead' means. But when he sees me sad, he knows. He'll come over and ask me if I'm sad because Mummy's dead. Then he tells me not to worry, when she's done being dead, she'll come back.” James said all this quietly and Robbie knows that this is the first time he's said any of this out loud to anyone. The younger man looks up and he appears so lost that Robbie just wants to turn back time and give him a second chance.

“What am I going to do when he does understand Robbie?”

“Whatever he needs you to. There's no rule book for this Jim. There never has been. I'm lucky in a way I suppose, that my two were old enough to understand. But when little Sam does, you'll know what to do.”

“You sure?”

“I promise James. You'll know what to do.” Lewis straightens up a little and moves his hand from where its been resting on Hathaway's forearm.

“Now what happened to make you turn up here soaking wet...Not that I mind. I just want to know what's going on James. And no brushing it off. If it was just you, then I'd be inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt. But with that boy, you need to tell me everything, never know, I might be able to help.” James sighed and began to recount the events of the evening.

 

Slowly, Lewis learned that James had received a few threatening letters from an unknown person. They'd been threatening him at first, but he had dismissed them. But then the letters had started making threats against his son. And that he couldn't allow, so he waited for the next one and intercepted the messenger. It had turned out to be a 15 year old boy that had been paid to deliver it as he walked past. By Hathaway's own admission, he had probably been harder on the lad than he needed to be. The boy had said that he didn't know who it was, they'd been in a car and stopped him. The driver and passenger had had their face covered and he'd been too frightened to say no. The teenager had insisted that he'd only been asked to deliver this one.

 

This had been going on for a few weeks. But then tonight, things had taken a more sinister turn. James had made himself and Sam dinner, and then sent the boy off to bed. He'd played guitar for a little while and then returned it to his room. There had been an old episode of Minder on television that he fell asleep to. He was awakened near the end by the sound of Sam shouting to him.

“I knew this wasn't him being merely afraid of the dark. He sounded terrified.” James told Robbie how he'd run upstairs to find Sam sat on the edge of his bed nearest to door, crying and talking about the man in garden. Sam had said that there was a man in the garden wearing a mask and trying to get over the fence to get away. It was only when James tried to get his son to go back to bed that he noticed some thing else was wrong. His guitar had been moved into Sam's room. It'd scared him as he realised that they'd be watching the house for at least an hour, choosing to move the guitar because they'd heard him play it. Robbie listened to all this with mounting horror, seeing the fear return to James as he recounted it.

“They went into my little boy's room. They were in his fucking room! And where was I? Asleep on the fucking sofa...Any-anything could have happened.” He raised a shaky hand to his eyes and wiped them, and Robbie realised with a jolt, that there were tears barely contained there.

“James...”

“The whole way here, I was just imaging what could have...they were in his _room_ Robbie.” This last bit was said with such desperation, that Lewis clean forgot that Hathaway was now 43 years old, he looked every bit as young as the son he was so worried about. “So I panicked, packed up some clothes and some of Sammy's toys, and ran. Was only when I got to the train station that I even considered where I could go.”

“Look, you've got to hang on to the fact that nothing happened. You're here now, you're both safe and you can stay as long as you need to.”

“Thank you. I'm sorry about all-...Thank you.”

“You're overwrought James. You've been worrying about this on your own for too long. Go upstairs to your son and get some sleep lad.” James nods and gets up.

“Dunno why I was so apprehensive about telling anyone...”

“That's always the way Jim, go on, go to bed.”

 

James does so and after cleaning away the dishes and cups, Robbie heads to his own room, head whirling with what he's learnt.

 

**************************

 

Lewis squints at his clock, wondering what it is that's woken him up at four forty-nine in the morning. He realises after a few moments that, as always, its his bladder.

 

As he gets out of bed, he can hear another noise. He can hear little Sam whimpering quietly. A few seconds later, he hears James shift in the bed and murmur comfort to the little boy. Although the walls are thin enough to hear the high pitched sound of a crying child (although Lewis thinks, that it could just be that its a case of 'once a father, always a father'), he can't hear what James is saying to calm Sam down. His bladder reminds him why he's standing out of bed and he sighs, heading towards the bathroom. The spare bedroom door is half open and Lewis catches the conversation as he goes to walk past. The unmistakeable tone of a tired and sad child cuts through the silent upper floor of Lewis' house.

“Want Mummy. When will she be not dead?”

Robbie closes his eyes as he imagines the look on Hathaway's face. He doesn't catch James' answer but it apparently doesn't satisfy the young child as he continues crying, albeit the sound is muffled due to the fact that Sam's face is buried in James' chest. Robbie carefully pokes his head around the door frame and the sight almost makes him tear up.

James is sitting on the bed, legs over the side, his arms around the bundle of pyjama's and child in his lap. His chin is resting on his son's head, tears falling silently down his face as he kisses the top of Sam's head and mumbles comfort to the little boy.

Eventually, Sam falls asleep in his father's arms and James carefully lays him down and pulls the covers over him again. Lewis uses this as a distraction to go to the toilet, he doesn't want James to think that he's been spying. As much as he wanted to go in and offer support, this is something that the man had to do alone. He can't resist checking up on him on the way back though. The ex-sergeant is under the covers now, back facing the door. Lewis doesn't need to be told know that the shaking is caused by James crying. He can see that James' hand is covering Sam's own and he retreats back to his room, content at least that they have each other.

 

More than anything, Robbie Lewis wishes he had a time machine.

 


	3. Chapter 3

In the morning, James brought Sam downstairs and if Lewis hadn't seen them both last night, he'd never have known there was anything wrong. Sam was chuckling as James threw him up into the air, threatening to let go, but never quite doing it. One of those games when the parent knows full well that they'd never let go, but the child doesn't. A child's first adrenaline rush. And they love it, which says a lot about humans really.

 

Watching them both, Lewis has to smile. It seems so surreal to see James playing with any child, let alone his son. James catches him watching and smiles back, seeing that Lewis has already made tea.

“I didn't know what the little'un would eat for breakfast so I thought I'd wait.”

“Anything, he's like a little gannet. Aren't ya?” James directs this last at Sam, who laughs and stretches towards the ground, indicating that he wants to get down.

“M'not a gannet. Gannets go in the car.” He says as he rushes off back up the stairs to get hold of his toys. Lewis just looks on confused as James snorts in amusement. He sees the older man's perplexed expression and explains.

“A few weeks ago, the car broke down. I had a look and it turned out we'd blown a gasket. He must have got mixed up.” Lewis chuckles. They can both hear the boy stomping about upstairs, getting his toys out of the bag.

The smile dies from James' face and he turns to Lewis, a slightly sad look on his features.

“You were right Robbie”

“That's nice of you to admit...right about what?”

“That I'd know what to do...when he understood.” Lewis gives Hathaway a look that is fatherly, sad and comforting all at the same time, and James doesn't know how one face can be so bloody expressive. He swallows down emotion as Robbie comes over and puts a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“Told you didn't I? And he's alright. James...you've done fine with him, give yourself some credit.” James nods and then claps his hands together.

“Right, breakfast. What do you want me to make?”

 

**************************

 

While James is making bacon in the kitchen, Sam comes back down the stairs, his arms full of toy cars. He stops when he realises that his Dad isn't in the living room. He sees Robbie and almost takes a step back. For his part, Robbie ignores him, staying in the armchair, knowing that the little boy will eventually come in, fear overridden by his desire to play.

 

Sure enough, after a minute or two, Sam rushes into the room, spilling all of his cars onto the sofa. He sits in the corner furthest from Robbie and starts driving the cars over the sofa arm. Lewis smiles behind his newspaper as he hears the little boy act out a police chase.

“Neee-Naaaw, Neee-Naaaw. Never taking me 'live copper.” Lewis almost chuckles but doesn't, sure that the little boy will stop playing if he makes a noise. He then recognises that whining noise that accompanies all of those self propelling toy cars. The ones like Lyn's bairn has where you rev them up and then let go and they hurtle across the floor. A crash follows the latest one and Lewis looks to see a model Ford Consul lying upturned on the floor.

“Noooo! S'posed to fly.” The kid scoots off the sofa and picks the car up, flinging it off the precipice of the sofa again, which Lewis deduces to be a cliff in Sam's mind. Sam watches where it lands and frowns, its evidently not far enough.

Lewis grins again. He gets up and Sam stops playing, watching him with big eyes. Robbie goes to his book shelf and pulls out a couple of police procedural manuals. Next he heads out of the room and comes back in with a short plank of laminate flooring. Its one of the leftovers scraps from when he and Ken did the floor in the kitchen a few months ago. Sam is still watching him intently and he heads over to the sofa, stacking the books on the cushion and then lying the plank on top, creating a ramp. Then he sits down on the armchair again and winks at the kid.

“Try that lad. Bet your car goes further.” Sam looks at him again, and then back at the ramp forehead creased in scepticism.

“How's it work?” Lewis shrugs mentally. How do you explain physics to a child?

“Well you know how when you throw the car, it goes up a bit and then falls?” Sam nods, still wary of the older man, still not completely trusting. He speaks anyway though, his curiosity is too great.

“Like this?” Sam moves his hand in an arch. Lewis nods, the boy is indeed smart.

“Yeah. Well the ramp makes it taller, so that the arch...the car moves for longer.”

“And then it flies for longer?”

“Yes. Do you want me to show you?” Sam hesitates for a small moment before nodding shyly. Lewis smiles and sits on the sofa, careful not to disturb his DIY ramp.

“Right which car should be the test one then?” Sam clambers up onto the sofa and grabs a model mini holding it out to Lewis. It looks battered and scratched and properly played with and he smiles.

Starting the car at the bottom of the ramp, he launches it up and lets go, watching as it almost lands on the other side of the room. He turns to Sam, who is staring at the car in amazement.

“Now you try eh Sam?” Eagerly Sam nods and grabs another car, flinging it up the ramp and giggling when it lands not too far away from Robbie's.

 

James walks in but then he stops in the doorway as he sees Robbie and Sam playing. His son looks happy and James is grateful to his boss, for keeping him occupied while he cooked breakfast. After the night before, he needed some time alone, he'd had little sleep because he'd been worrying about Sam and how he'd feel when he woke up. But Sam had taken everything in his stride like young children do. Robbie looks up and grins at him, and that's when James realises that the old ex-inspector is enjoying this just as much as the kid is.

“Ah breakfast, cheers James. Leave the washing up, I'll do it after.” Sam looks up, face full of excitement.

“Daddy! We maked a flying car thing. My car goed as far Unca Robbie's” James laughs, his son is over his fear of Lewis then. He turns to smile at Lewis and sees that the older man is made up over being called 'Unca Robbie'.

“I think he means 'Uncle'”

“Course he does, I knew that James” The inspector grins and picks the little boy up. For a tiny moment, James thinks that Sam is going to change his mind and start crying or struggling. But then he remembers that Lewis has been here before and Sam just accepts it as he's carried to the table. “Come on champ, brekkie time.”

 

They sit eating and Lewis looks over to James.

“Where's he got this Uncle idea from then eh?”

“Well, he kept asking where we were going. Just seemed natural. You don't mind do you?”

“Course not kidda. Its nice.” Lewis gives James a wry grin. “I suppose I should probably be grateful that you didn't introduce me as Granddad Robbie.” James chuckles.

“Then I'd have to explain to him what a granddad is. He's a curious little bugger. Always asking questions. Soon enough, you'll wish he was still scared of you.”

“Nah. You seem to forget Jim, that I've done this three times. I mean I'm a father and a grandfather” Lewis skirts around the obvious implication in the sentence before. Its not his place to pry into James and Chrissy's family history.

“Got a point there.” They were interrupted by the four year old sat at the table with them.

“Daddy? I can go and play now?”

“Go on then. Don't make to much mess though Sammy, ok?” The little boy nodded, impatient to be playing with his new ramp. As he ran to the sofa James shouted after him “And don't forget to pick those cars up after you!”

“Ah leave him be. I miss the days when there were kids toys all over me house.” Lewis smiled after the little boy, happily throwing cars to their demise, acting out all the dramatic scene that his infant brain could imagine. “Come to think of it...That mini he's got...was that yours?” James' face quirks into a nostalgic smile.

“Yeah. That and the Ford Consul. Played with them till the paint came off.”

“Thought so,” replies Lewis, “No one kid could cause that much damage.”

 

**************************

 

Later on that evening, they are sat with a beer each while Sam continues to play with the cars. He's put the ramp away now, James decided that it was too late for flying cars and Robbie's side boards were taking a bit of a beating.

“Can I ask you a favour Robbie? It seems a bit cheeky, since we've already invaded your house”

“Ask away lad. And I've told you. You're no trouble, you or the bairn. I'd much rather you were here getting under my feet than out there on the streets, or in a B&B somewhere.”

“Thank you sir. I was just wondering. I need to go back to London tomorrow. You know check on the house and the post and things. And get Sam some more of his clothes.”

“Aye, what's the favour?”

“Can you look after Sammy? I don't want to take him back there. I still don't know how it all stands. They could be watching the house or something. I don't want to walk him into that”

“I'd be happy to Jim. Although I don't like the idea of you going down there alone...That's a thought, do you need to borrow the car?”

“No. I don't know who these people are, they might have contacts, be able to find out from the reg plates that its yours, and then come down here. But thanks for the offer Robbie. And thanks for saying you'll look after Sammy. I tell you it was a weight of my mind when he was ok with you earlier.”

“Ah, well, I made him a new toy, he'll love me forever now.”

“Yeah” James said darkly, but still with a grin on his face. “Until you try to tell him to go to bed...Speaking of which...” Lewis turned around and saw that Sam was sitting on the floor holding a car and his eyes kept drooping.

“Never understood why kids fight bed so much.”

“Me neither. He'll be raring to go and all I can think of is my bed. I should probably go with him to be fair. Need to get up earlier tomorrow if I don't want to be in London all day.”

“Aye. Night James.” He smiled as James picked up the sleepy child. “Night Sammy boy.”

“Nnng.” Sam mumbled. James and Robbie took it to mean 'good night'

“Night Robbie.”

 

****************************

 

Lewis was awoken by someone pulling on his hand at half past two. Still half asleep, he stirred but didn't fully wake.

“Wassit? Val?” He awoke with a start then, the familiar pang hitting him in the chest as his brain reminded him that his imaginings couldn't be true. Turning his head to the side, he saw that Sam was stood by his bed, eyes wide and scared.

“Unca Robbie...Unca Robbiiiiiiie.” The said 'uncle' was instantly alert. There must be something wrong if the little lad had come to him rather than James.

“Aye kidda what's wrong?” He could see fear in the boy's eyes and he hoped it was unfounded.

“Daddy is sick. Unca Robbie got to fix him.” Lewis' mind ran through all the things he could think of that could be wrong, and none of them made him feel calm.

“Come on bonny lad, lets go and fix your Daddy.” Lewis said, with all the confidence that he didn't feel.

 

They entered the room and Lewis could see why Sam had woken up. James seemed to be squirming on the bed, he had probably knocked against the lad while they'd been sleeping. Despite the fact that Robbie was there, Sam stayed by the door, comfort blanket clutched tight and eyes as big as saucers. Lewis crossed over to the bed and instantly felt calmer. It was clear to him that James was having some kind of nightmare.

“No!...not hi-...get...get out...S-Sam...NO!”James screamed, and Robbie flashed a look at the boy, who looked like he was on the verge of tears and trembling slightly.

“Don't worry Sammy. Your Dad is just having a bad dream. Have you ever had a bad dream?” Lewis said in a comforting voice as he tried to poke James awake. Sam nodded.

“Big shark eated me” he whispered, coming a little closer to the bed. “Is Daddy dreaming about a shark?”

“I don't know laddie. Its his dream. We'll have to ask him when he's better.” _Better? Well the lad had thought James was sick._ He turns his attention back to the man who's still thrashing about in the bed.

“Come on lad. Wake up.” He gently shook the younger man. “James! Wake up.”

Suddenly, James started awake, sitting bolt upright as he looked around for some invisible opponent. And then quick as it and happened, he was lying back on the bed, shaking and taking shallow breaths.

“Ok lad? You were having a bad dream.” James nodded, voice hoarse as he turned to his left side, hand reaching out.

“Sam! W-Where's Sam...Robbie?”

“Calm down Jim, calm down...he's here. He came and got me when you started thrashing about.” James turned his head and saw his son stood a few feet away from the bed, looking for all the world like he was seeing a ghost. Lewis could see the guilt in James' eyes. He clearly felt terrible for causing his son that fear, however unintentional it was.

“Sammy? Sammy, its ok. Daddy was just having a scary dream. Its fine son...come'ere.” Sam hesitated for the smallest of moments and then he ran to the bed and dived on, burrowing into James side and pushing himself up so he was just under James' chin.

“Was it a shark Daddy?” James smiled into his son's hair.

“Yeah Sam. A big purple one. But its gone now. You and Uncle Robbie scared it off.” Sam poked his head towards Robbie.

“Tol' you about the shark.”

“Aye that you did lad.” Lewis smiled a little. It was amazing how kids managed to get over things. Sure enough, five minutes later, Sam was asleep and James moved him to the other side of the bed.

“James...are you ok?” At first James didn't respond and Lewis thought that he wasn't going to. But then James shook his head.

“No.” he said quietly, and Robbie knew that this dream had been bad. Six years or not, James would never have freely admitted to not being ok.

“Do you want to talk about it?” James nodded and, shit, if he didn't look like a little boy. A forty three year old little boy.

“It...It was one of the worst, no, the worst dream I've had in my life. And I-I've had some bad ones in my time.”

“What happened? I mean I guessed Sam was in danger from the way you were saying his name and shouting.” James hung his head.

“I wish he hadn't seen that. It must have scared him.”

“He didn't look too happy when he came to get me. He thought you were sick, he wanted me to come and fix you.”

“He's a good kid.”

“James...the dream.”

“We were in the flat in London. A-and someone broke in. I was... shit I was asleep on the bloody sofa. They woke me up.” Hathaway stopped and dropped his gaze. Lewis could tell he was trying not to cry.

“Come on kidda. Sooner you get it out, sooner you'll get over it.”

“I'll never get over this Robbie. They...They had masks on and they took Sam...they took my son at gunpoint.”

“Oh James” Lewis said softly as he put an arm around the younger man's shoulder. James shook his head.

“They...They shot me. In the leg. I mean it didn't hurt, it was a dream...but I-I couldn't go after him. They were taking my little boy away and I couldn't move.” James is crying lightly now, but he doesn't care. Lewis squeezes his shoulder.

“It was just a dream James. I know how real it felt, we've all been there, but it _was_ just a dream.” James turns to look up at him and Lewis can see in his eyes what has really scared him. _What if one day it isn't?_

“I know why it happened, I was thinking to much before I fell asleep.”

“That's always a bad plan. Not that you can do anything about it mind”

“I was thinking, what if something does happen to me? No one's immortal. But...well, Sam. If something happens to me...he's got no one.”

“He's got me. James...You both have, okay?” James didn't doubt him for a second.

“Are you still going to London?”

“Yeah...Yeah I need to get stuff.” Lewis looked anything but pleased at this.

“Ok. But you're not going anywhere until you give me your mobile number. The one I've got for you doesn't work.”

“Deal.”

“Right, now that's settled, go to sleep. Especially if you want to get an early train tomorrow.” James lay back down.

“...Thanks.” Robbie just nods and then goes back to his room, hoping that James manages to get some sleep.

 

Its ridiculous, Robbie thinks as he lays in his own bed. It's ridiculous that he still sees James as so young. It was silly when the lad was thirty-four and its even sillier nine years later. But then he remembers the young man that stood outside a courtroom one morning, battling with the present and unaware that he'd have to face his past in less than 5 hours. He sees the face of a man who has just dreamt of his son being taken away from him and being unable to save him. He realises that the expressions on James' face were the the same. If anything this time, it was more haunted.

 

Lewis knows why as well. The James that he worked with, only had himself to worry about, not that that wasn't enough. But now James Hathaway has a four year old boy under his protection. Lewis has been there and he can see in James' entire body that Sam is his world and he'd die rather than let anything happen to his son. Something is threatening to do just that and James can't take it.

 

He's torn between being ready to die for his only child, and doing anything to stay around to be a father.

 

Lewis just wishes that he knew what to say to put Hathaway's mind at rest. That's not strictly true. He wishes there was actually something he _could_ say that would put Hathaway's mind at rest.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning wasn't as quiet as the last. Sam was reluctant to let James leave. And you didn't need to be a genius to work out that James was just as reluctant to leave Sam.

“Why you need to go?”

“Because, you need more clothes, since your bag is full of toys. And Daddy needs to do important adult things.”

“Wha' adult things? Staaaay here.” Sam held onto James' trousers as the man attempted to get ready.

“Adult things Sam. You'll find out soon enough.”

“When?”

“When you're an adult.”

“When's that...next week?” James couldn't help but laugh.

“Thankfully no. In fourteen odd years son.” Sam's eyes went wide.

“That's...forever. Wanna be an adult now.”

“No you don't kid” James said softly, so softly that Lewis almost missed it. He decided now would be a good time to step in.

“Come on Sammy, how about we go and find that football eh? We can go to the park this afternoon. Sound good?” He caught James' look of gratitude as the boy tore upstairs.

“Thank you. I really hope he isn't too much trouble.”

“Nah” Lewis looks at him and sighs. “Just promise me that you'll let me know what's going on. If you have to stay longer or something. And if anything bad happens James...You will tell me won't you?”

“Yes. I promise. Honestly.” Lewis nods, even though he doesn't really believe him.

 

***************************************

 

Lewis dropped down onto the sofa. He didn't remember four year old kids being so tiring. Although last time he had regular contact with a child of that age, he was five years younger. It made sense, he couldn't run around like he used to be able to. And playing another game of football would most likely kill him if today was anything to go by.

 

The morning had been easier. Sam had gone quiet after James had left and had just sat on the sofa watching kids cartoons on the TV. Every now and then, he'd hear a car go past and climb up to have a look if it was James coming back. Eventually Lewis had explained that Hathaway had gone by train. After that, it seemed that Sam had accepted that he wouldn't know when James was back and had started playing, pestering Lewis to build the 'flying ramp' again. That had kept the young lad amused for all of 20 minutes.

 

Lewis had decided that after lunch, they had to see about getting rid of some of Sam's boundless energy.

“Do you want to go to the park after lunch Sam?  
“Hy'e park?” Lewis figured that must be a park in London.

“No. Oxford park.” He couldn't remember the name of said park, and it would be of little interest to the boy anyway.

“Hmm...With the football?”

“Yeah if you want..”

“Yeah!....Is Daddy coming?”

“I don't think so lad, he's still in London isn't he?”

“Oh yeah...Is there swings?”

“Course there is bonny lad, what park doesn't have swings?”

 

It'd taken them a little longer than planned to find the football, it had some how found its way into the airing cupboard. But nevertheless, they managed it and at about four o'clock, they were happily playing football in a nearby patch of green space. Eventually Lewis had to call a stop to the game, feeling like he was in very real danger of having a coronary. He picked the little boy up and carried him home on his shoulders, Sam loving it even though Robbie was;

“Not as high up as Daddy.”

“Yeah well your Dad is too tall by half.”

 

Now it was six-thirty in the evening and they were back, frozen pizza's cooking in the oven. Sam was starting to get tired and he was sat quietly on the sofa, inspecting all his toy cars, putting them in some sort of order that made absolutely no sense to Lewis. Suddenly, the boy looked up and spoke.

 

“When is Daddy coming back?”

“I don't know Sam.”

“What if he doesn't?”

“He will Sam. If he can, he'll always come back to you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” There was no point elaborating, otherwise the conversation would get way too deep for the four year old to grasp. In any case, Sam seemed to accept this answer and he came over to the older man, balancing on the sofa like a see-saw and planting a small hand on Robbie's arm.

“Unca Robbie?” Lewis hesitates, worried that he's going to be asked another deep question that he won't really be able to answer.

“Yes Sam?”

“Whens'a pizza ready?” Lewis chuckles and ruffles the lads hair.

“Probably about now, come on. You're going to have to help me serve it up.”

 

*********************************

 

Its half past nine now, and Sam is in bed. It had been a battle, not because the little boy refused to go, but because he refused to let Robbie leave the room. So Lewis had sat on the edge of the bed, telling Sam stories until he drifted off to sleep, blanket clutched to his nose.

 

Now, Lewis is sat on the armchair downstairs, unease slowly creeping up on him. James has been gone nearly 9 hours and he hasn't heard a word from him. And Lewis, having accepted that he saw James as a son, is worried like he would be if James was teenage boy out after midnight.

He starts watching TV, its one of those late night comedy quiz shows. Any other time, he'd probably find it funny. But he doesn't tonight, he's way too worried about what could be happening sixty miles away.

 

He hears a small sound and turns, to see Sam stood in the door way with his blanket. He looks so small and Lewis smiles at him, even though he knows that smile is only there because he doesn't want the lad to see his worry.

“Can't sleep Unca Robbie.” Sam takes another step into the room. “Want Daddy.”

“Aye I guessed that lad. Come over here, we'll see if there's anything on telly eh?” Sam nods and he walks over to the chair. He rubs his eye and Robbie can see how tired he is, the boy just doesn't want to be alone. Suddenly realising that there will be absolutely nothing appropriate for kids on the TV, he gets up to look at his DVD's. Finally he finds the Thomas the tank Engine DVD that he's had in the house since Lyn's bairn was the same age. He puts it on and Sam's face transforms into a sleepy smile as he recognises the theme tune. Sam climbs up onto Lewis' lap and snuggles into his side, making sure that his blanket is available to Lewis if the older man needs it. He smiles at the way that Sam obviously assumes that his comfort blanket will save everyone and he takes hold of a corner; if Sam thinks he's ok, the the little boy is more likely to relax.

 

Its barely ten minutes before the little boy is asleep again and Robbie takes him upstairs, putting him to bed for the second time that night.

 

It appears to be for the best because ten minutes later again, the doorbell rings. Lewis is immediately up and ready to answer it. He's been worrying about Hathaway all day.

 

When he opens the door, and James nearly falls through it, it does nothing to ease his worry.

 

“Jesus, Hathaway what-” he stops as he takes in the scene. James is holding himself up with a hand on the wall and there's blood on his face. He looks like he's got the beginnings of a black eye and his knuckles are grazed. There are scratches on his neck and face. He's holding his shoulder stiffly.

“Had a disagreement sir.” Lewis decides that this isn't the time to remind him of the whole 'don't call me sir' thing and guides him into the living room. It soon becomes apparent that James is limping. Once the younger man is sat on the sofa, Lewis asks the questions that he's been holding back.

“James, what the hell happened?” James ignores the question, instead sitting forward with a wince.

“Sam? Is he ok?”

“Sam's fine James. He went to sleep about 15 minutes ago. Now what the hell happened?”

“Got jumped outside my flat didn't I? No I didn't see them.” He adds, pre-empting the next question. Lewis shakes his head.

“That's not what I was gonna ask lad. I was going to ask if you are ok.” James face softens and he nods.

“It looks worse than it is Robbie. Honestly. Just scrapes and bruises.”

“Sure...because scrapes and bruises give you a limp James” James looks abashedly at him.

“Well, ok, the limp was caused by being kicked in the knee.” He says facetiously. Lewis groans at him and gets up to make tea.

“You look tired”

“Aye, well your lad is full of bloody energy isn't he?” James smiles and gets up stiffly to help make the drinks.

“Was he ok?”

“Yeah...He was quiet in the morning, missed you. But after a while he was ok. Sent him to bed at seven but at half nine he came downstairs and said that he couldn't sleep and he wanted you.”

“Did he put up a fuss?”

“Nah. I stuck on Thomas the Tank and he was asleep in ten minutes.” James nods, satisfied that his son is ok and hasn't been too much trouble. They drink the tea, stood in the kitchen, although James has to sit after a little while.

“Are you sure you're alright?” James rubs a hand absently across his knuckles and grins.

“Yeah...I gave as good as I got anyway.” Lewis grins back at him despite himself.

“At your age James, that really shouldn't make you as happy as it is.”

“At _my_ age?”

“Cheeky sod, Com'ere. You should probably get that cleaned up.” James obliges, too tired and too worried (not that he'll ever admit it) to be embarrassed that Lewis is effectively treating him like a kid.

Once the majority of the blood has been wiped away, Lewis has to concede that James is right. Its not nearly as bad as it looks. He is going to have one impressive shiner though.

“Is it ok if I sleep on the sofa Robbie? I don't want to wake Sam up if I can help it.”

“No problem at all Jim. You'll be alright? I seriously need to go to bed, I haven't played foot ball like that in ages.” James nods and they say their good nights. The implications of the attack on James hang in the air between them, but neither man wants to bring it up. It can wait till morning. Robbie wants to sleep and James wants to see his son before turning in himself.

 

**************************************

 

When he comes downstairs in the morning, Lewis isn't surprised that Sam is curled up on the sofa next to his father, James' arm around him, both of them sound asleep. A soft smile plays across his face as he remembers coming home from work stupidly late, or maybe it was too bloody early. He didn't want to wake Val up, she'd been having a bad time of it, the kids playing up more often than usual. When he'd woke up on the sofa in the morning, Ken was asleep next to him, a hand clutching his pyjama top. Looking over at the sofa again, he couldn't deny that fatherhood suited James more than he'd thought possible.

 

As he watches, Sam stirs, blinking his eyes open. He shifts and when he sees Lewis, he smiles sleepily.

“Mornin' Unca Robbie.”

“Mornin' kidda.”

“I can has a drink?”

“Aye come on. Don't wake up your dad though.” Sam shakes his head vigorously.

“No. Gotta let Daddy sleep.”

“Aye that's right.” The boy squirms out from under James' arm and goes over to Robbie arms outstretched. Lewis bends down to pick him up and Sam puts his arms around Robbie's neck. Once Lewis is satisfied that James is still asleep, he heads into the kitchen, sitting Sam on the counter.

“Juice or milk eh lad?”

“Milk! Makes your skellington strong.”

“That it does...milk it is then.” Lewis hands the little boy a glass of milk and makes him and James a cup of tea.

 

When they go back into the living room, James has sat up and stretched his leg out in front of him. Lewis frowns, in the light of the next day, his bruises look even worse, although he knows they are superficial.

“You look like you've done a few rounds.”

“Feels like it too.”

“Idiot.” Robbie mutters cheerfully as he goes to make them breakfast.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Robbie is sure that they can't handle this alone. Seeing James come through the door covered in blood has just cemented the fear that this will go pear-shaped, deep in him. And its not like there's only them two to worry about. He's grown attached to Sam Hathaway and he knows full well that if anything was to happen to that boy, it'd kill James quicker than any bullet ever could. Over breakfast that morning, while the kid is playing nearby, he broaches the subject.

 

“Jim, have you told anyone about this...apart from me?” From the demeanour of the younger man last night, Robbie guessed not.

“...No, no I haven't”

“Don't you think you should?”

“Like who Robbie?”

“...The police maybe. Did it really not occur to you?”

“No. Why would I bring them into it?”

“Illegal entry, threatening behaviour, harassment” Lewis paused, indicating to the cut on Hathaway's face, “ _Assault,_ James”

“Its...its my problem.” Lewis smacked his fist on the table, causing Sam to look around in surprise.

“Dammit James! Whoever this is, has been in your house man. There's no shame in asking for help. You came here didn't you!”

“Rob-”

“No! Jim, you were in pieces yesterday at the idea that someone could hurt that lad. I can't see you like that for real, and I can't be the one to have to explain to Sam what's happened to his Dad. I just can't. You can't do this alone, and I'm sure as hell not in a position to sort this out for you anymore.” James hangs his head at this. For his part, Robbie's face softens as he continues.

“I'm sorry lad, I didn't mean...I'm worried about you Jim, both of you. This isn't easy for me to explain, God knows we've never been good at talking to each other when it matters...” James snorts a little and Lewis knows that his outburst hasn't damaged their friendship.

“You can say that again.”

“You've already been beaten up once. I know that I'm not as young as I was. If anything was to happen, I couldn't protect you...or your son. And that scares me more than I thought it could. Besides, neither of us have the authority to investigate officially any more” James looked towards Sam, who was still looking uncertainly at them, unaware that the argument was mostly about the fact that both men cared for him. Finally Hathaway looked back at Lewis, exhaling deeply and he replied.

“Where do you suggest we start? I don't have the contacts up here any more, I transferred to the Met just after I was married.” Lewis answered him, relieved that the younger man could see where he was coming from.

“Innocent.”

“Is she still here?”

“Yeah, she got promoted...Didn't you read the papers in London?”  
“Yeah...not the Oxford ones though.”

“Jean's chief constable now.” James raises his eyebrow and grins.

“Wonder if she remembers me.”

“James...I think you gave her more than enough grief, for her to remember you.”

“Like when?!” James said, mock indignation in his voice.

“One. Hugh Mallory. You remember, you refused to save him until he admitted he wanted to live?”

“Ah.”

“In front of the press, the public and his kids.”

“I did.”

“You gave her a mi-”

“-Okay, so I wasn't the most well behaved sergeant.” Lewis grins warmly at him. He's missed having James around.

“That you weren't kidda. One of the best though.” James doesn't really know how to take that compliment so he just shrugs.

“Yeah well, I had a good teacher.” Just as it looks to be getting awkward, Sam interrupts.

“Daaaaddy....m'hungry.”

“Sam, you just had breakfast” James admonished.

“I know, but I still hungry.”

“We'll if its ok with Uncle Robbie, I can make you some toast.” James looks at Robbie who nods, trying not to laugh at Sam, who has climbed onto a dining chair and is pulling his breakfast plate back towards him again.

“See Daddy, you not even need to wash Unca Robbie's plates up. Its recyclinged.” James goes to make toast in an attempt to hide the laughter threatening to burst from his throat. Robbie fails in his endeavour to stay dead pan, that was always James' department anyway.

James comes back in dropping triangles of toast onto his son's plate and ruffling the boys hair at the 'Thank you' that gets mumbled around a mouthful of toast.

“He's inherited your smooth talking Jim.” Lewis grins at James.

“Ah, my best feature.”

“...Well its poetic justice really isn't it?” James cocks his head, a questioning look on his face.

“Hows that then?”

“Wait until he's a teenager, he's going to mock you in the same way you mocked me for years.” James groans theatrically and then they set about figuring what they are going to tell Innocent.

 

********************************************

 

They agree that they both need to go to the meeting that Innocent readily agreed to. They also both agree that suits aren't a requirement and besides, Robbie isn't even sure that he still has one. Sam, however, is a problem. They obviously can't leave him alone in the flat, and James doesn't want anyone else to look after him. Robbie suggests that they could ask Laura and James is still reluctant.

“Its not that I don't trust her, of course not. But it seems a bit off, you know, 'Hi Laura, I know I haven't seen you for near enough 6 years but could you look after the kid you never even knew I'd had'. Doesn't sit right Robbie, and you know it.” Robbie sighs and James knows he's thinking the same thing.

“We could just take him with us. We don't really have any other choice do we?”

“Can you imagine a kid sat in Innocent's office...ha! Priceless.”

“Not that unusual is it Jim? I mean she let you in there often enough.” Lewis laughs as James shoves him lightly. “Right come on Sammy boy, get your coat on.”

“Where we going Unca Robbie?”

“Police station. Where me and your Dad used to work.” Sam's eyes widen and he runs to get his coat, all childish excitement.

 

******************************************

 

Innocent welcomes them in warmly and all the unease the James felt disappears. Jean has barely changed. She's wearing different clothes but she has aged very well.

“Robbie, James, come in.” They walk in, Sam looking around wide-eyed, taking every little detail. “This must be Sam.” Innocent says as they come to a halt in front of her desk.

“Yeah. He's four.” Innocent smiles with the sort of warmth that James doesn't think he saw in all his years as a sergeant. Then again, he never saw it in Chrissy until Sam was born.

“He's the spitting image of his Dad. God, I never thought in a million years James, that I'd ever see you as a father.”

“What? Too impulsive, too serious....too celibate?” he says, but there's no venom in it. He knows Jean Innocent and he knows that she never judged him. Not on those sorts of things anyway.

“No James. Too immature.” She smirks and he thinks she's joking, can almost hear the grin on Robbie's face. “Sit down anyway, both of you.”

Robbie and James sit down and the discussion starts in earnest. Lewis has already explained on the phone about Chrissy, he decided that James didn't need to be explaining that again. Hathaway explains everything that has happened, right up to the point where he got back to Robbie's flat the previous night with a limp and a black eye.

 

While James is recounting the recent events, Lewis watches Jean Innocent. He knows the instant that James starts talking, that she's taking him seriously, that she cares about him. When Hathaway tells her about the moving of his guitar, her eyes instantly widen and flick to the little boy sitting on James' lap. Robbie knows that he was right to call her up, and that she'll do anything in her power to help them.

 

Sam is being very well behaved it has to be said. He's quietly sitting on Hathaway's lap, a hand holding onto his shirt, and the other reaching out to touch the desk. He displays none of the fear that he did when he met Lewis. He's happy enough on James' knees, watching the adults talking and trying to get hold of the paperweight on Jean's desk. Lewis watches his efforts, impressed at the way the little boy is being silent as every attempt is thwarted by James. He's not making a fuss, Sam is just setting out to try again. _He's a determined little bugger_ , Lewis thinks as he observes, _like father like son._ Innocent ask James to show her something on the computer and he puts Sam on the floor. The lad reaches for the paperweight on the desk almost immediately When he realises that he can't reach, he heads over to Robbie and clambers up to sit on his lap. He clutches a handful of Robbie's shirt and settles in, thumb in mouth. Lewis looks down and wonders about that. The lad always holds on, as if...Then it hits Lewis. He's lost his mum, he's convinced that people are going to just go away and leave and he wants to make sure he knows they're there. That hits Lewis quite hard. However, he doesn't have much time to dwell on it, Innocent has moved the paperweight and Sam sees a golden opportunity. He grabs it and turns to Robbie, placing it on his lap, all the while looking around to the desk to see if they've noticed its missing.

“Wassit for Unca Robbie?” he whispers, all secretive and covert. Lewis grins as he remembers James telling him about MI5 trying to recruit him.

“Its to put on paper so it doesn't fly away.”

“Why's it shaped like a dolphin?”

“...I don't know.”

 

The conversation at the computer is finished and they get ready to leave. Lewis realises that he hasn't been paying attention, but he trusts that James will fill him in. The say their goodbyes to Innocent and James deftly takes the paperweight off of Sam and replaces it sheepishly back on Jean's desk. To her credit, Jean just smiles and Robbie knows that she's been watching Sam's efforts to claim the paperweight the whole time. Robbie decides that picking up Sam is the safest option, considering that he seems to find absolutely everything in the station interesting and letting him walk would mean that he'd run off in any direction to explore.

 

It seems Lewis has miscalculated though because, as soon as James is out of Innocent's office, Sam stretches towards him, wriggling to get out of Robbie's grasp.

“Jim...” Lewis gets his ex-sergeants attention and James turns just in time to get hold of the boy. He holds him on his hip and Sam puts his arms around James' neck. He's grizzling quietly and James rubs his back. The lad is obviously getting tired, its nearly 6pm.

 

Its almost half past seven by the time they get back from the shops with ingredients for dinner. Sam slept in the car so he's full of beans again and he runs to drag the parts for the “flying ramp” almost as soon as they are through the door. Robbie grins as he watches Sam try to build it by himself. James announces that he's going to make dinner and Lewis takes pity on the little boy, helping him to build his ramp. He has a brainwave after ten minutes and roots out a box of Lego that he has for Lyn's kid.

 

When James comes in the room when the dinner no longer needs supervision, he sees both Robbie and Sam sat on the floor, surrounded by Lego bricks. Lewis is sat against the sofa and Sam is lying on his stomach, grabbing the shiniest and most unusual bricks he can find. He is informed by his son that they are building a police station. Well, James rather suspects that Lewis is building it, Sam just seems to be giving him pieces.

"You're not half bad at this are you Robbie?" James says cheekily as he walks fully into the room. Lewis rolls his eyes in mock frustration

"Two bairns and a grandson James, two bairns and a grandson." Hathaway grins and settles himself on the floor against the sofa behind Sam. He smiles as the little boy sits up and shuffles back into him. The little hand latches onto James shirt.

"How long's he been doing that for? The always needing to hold on thing?" James looks down sadly as Lewis finishes the question.

"That? Since Chrissy died. He's never liked being left on his own though. Used to bring his toys into the kitchen if I was cooking and Chrissy was out." Lewis looks at the boy, who is oblivious to the conversation that was being had about him.

"But its got worse since you lost Chrissy though?"

"Yeah. Well...I'm not really sure. He's not really got more clingy, he just never really held on to me like this before."

"Not just you lad." James raises his eyebrow in question. "In Innocent's office today, while you were doing the computer thingy, he did the same to me. Clinging as if there was no tomorrow."

"As if he was scared you were going to disappear." James whispers. "I don't know how to fix it Robbie. Its not like I can promise him I'm never going to go away is it?"

"No, but he might just need to hear it. It doesn't matter if you can't promise it. He's too young to grasp that anyway. A white lie every now and then, its ok James."

"Sometimes we lie for the best of reasons." Its Lewis' turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Where'd that come from?"  
"...Zoe Suskin. D'you remember?" Lewis looked towards his ceiling as he tried to place the name. Honestly, how did Hathaway expect him to remember a person from one of the _many_ cases they had worked...Hang on wasn't that the one where Jim got poisoned?

"Er..Elmo Woodeson, Donald Voss and Angela DeRitter. You got a dose of arsenic if I recall correctly." Hathaway smiled.

"Yeah, see you aren't as old as you look."

"Cheeky bugger! Anyway, you're only as old as you feel, isn't that what they say." The smile fades from James' face.

"Well then I feel a lot older than forty three."

"Nonsense, you're only a young'un. Compared to me anyway."

"Maybe so. But, recently, it must be all the threats and things...I'm tired Robbie, so fucking tired." Lewis nods sympathetically, trying not to let the sadness show on his face. He'd always hoped that James would find some happiness in his life, it seems that life has other ideas.

"I know Jim, I know. Tell you what, take the bairn upstairs, he's ready for bed any how. Get an early night lad." James nods. He's feeling sleepy and the fact that Sam has leant fully into his side and the hand that isn't buried in James' shirt has pulled his comfort blanket up to his nose, shows that his son is too.

"Probably a good idea. Come on kid. Time for bed." Sam protests half heartedly, rubbing his eyes and making a feeble grab for the Lego bricks.

"Wha' about pl'ice station? Its not done yet."

"We'll finish it tomorrow lad," Robbie says, "it'll still be there in the morning." This appeases the child and he holds up his hands for Robbie to pick him up, since James has headed into the kitchen to fill Sam's non-spill beaker with water.

"Come on then bonny lad. Lets get you ready for bed."

"Not sleepy."

"Course you are, you can barely keep your eyes open Sammy. Come on, we'll get you ready, save your Dad some trouble eh?" Sam nods and leans his head on Lewis' shoulder, one hand wrapped around his neck and the other brought up so he can put his thumb in his mouth. James comes out of the kitchen and walks behind them, a warm smile on his face as he sees his son dozing off on Lewis' shoulder. It looks so right to him and he can easily see the young father that Robert Lewis once was. 

 

They get to the door of the spare bedroom and James lifts his son out of Lewis' arms.

"Thank you sir."

"Enough with the sir. Its no trouble Jim. I think he'd prefer his Dad putting him to bed though, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah...See you in the morning Robbie."

 

As the father and son head to the bedroom, the ex-inspector heads to the bathroom to get ready for his own bed. He hears Sam say something that sounds suspiciously like 'sing', but he thinks nothing of it as he steps into the shower.

 

****************************************************

 

When he turns the water off, he can definitely hear noises. He gets dried and into his pyjamas ad grows increasingly worried. Its only when he finally opens the door of the bathroom that he realises that he can hear James playing his guitar. He smiles as his former sergeant voice carries through the house. Robbie doesn't recognise the song, but it sounds like country or rockabilly. Not something he'd associate with his sergeant anyway. Sam is quiet, either he is asleep, or he is listening to the music. Lewis thinks the latter, he doesn't reckon that James would play in the bedroom if the young boy was asleep, for fear of waking him up. Robbie just stands in the hallway, not wanting to move, for fear of disturbing the two of them.

 

" _George turned to Sam with his gold in his hand,_

_Said 'Sam you're a lookin' at a lonely, lonely man.  
_

_I'd trade all the gold, that's buried in this land,_

_For one small band of gold to place on sweet little Ginnie's hand."_

 

Robbie's heart broke. Just a little, but there was a definite crack in it. He could hear in the young man's voice, just how much he meant what he was singing. Singing for the love that he'd lost and that he'd do anything to get her back, even though it was an impossibility. Lewis walked to the door, leaning on the frame as he watched James playing, sitting on the chair as Sam lay in the bed. Robbie could see that the boy was on the verge of falling asleep, but he was trying his best to stay wake and listen to his Dad.

 

_"Cos a man needs a woman to love him all the time._

_Remember Sam, a true love is, so hard to find._

_I'd build for my Ginny, a honeymoon home,_

_Below that old white mountain, just a little south east of Nome."_

 

James trailed off as he noticed Robbie standing there.

"Don't stop on my account lad. Its good." He speaks, purely because he can see that James' eyes are shimmering and he want to give the lad time to recover, so that James doesn't have to rush for things to say.

"Nah, he's asleep now anyway."

"Who was that then? Doesn't sound like the kind of thing you'd be into if I'm honest."

"Johnny Horton. Mum used to play it when I was a little boy. Seemed perfect, even got his name in it."

"Bet he loves that. Still, never had you as a country fan."

"I used to sing it to Chrissy. I sang it before I proposed to her. Although, the band of gold had a small diamond in it. Shit I miss her Robbie."

"Aye Jim. I wish I could tell you it'd get easier, but it...well it doesn't. It gets less painful...no, the pain gets duller. But it doesn't go away." James looks up at him.

"I don't think I want it to sir. It hurts, but I don't want to stop missing her...is that stupid?"

"Course not lad...Its not stupid, its grieving." He walks over and puts his hand on James shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"Get some sleep kidda. Take some tips off the little'un and get your head down. And...well if you have a nightmare, and you want to talk it through..." James nods slowly and takes in a shaky breath.

"Night."

"Good night James."

 

Robbie stands in the hallway until he hears James get into bed, satisfied that the man is making an effort to get some sleep.

"Sleep well lad." he whispers as he heads to his own room, wondering when exactly it was that he acquired two new members of his family.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song James sings is 'North To Alaska' by Johnny Horton. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSt0NEESrUA). While not the kind of music that we might imagine James would listen to, I can see it being something he can remember from his childhood, and Sam's name being in it is an added bonus.


	6. Chapter 6

 

_When he heard the noise, he stopped what he was doing. When he heard Chrissy shout, his head snapped up._

 

_When he heard his son crying, he raced downstairs faster then he had ever chased any suspect._

 

_There were three men in his living room, masked men, one had hold of his wife, one had hold of his son and one was looking straight at him._

 

_Chrissy kicked the man holding her in the shin, and he backhanded her in retaliation, dropping her to the floor. Sam screamed out and James launched himself at his son's captor, shoving his son away as he laid into the man who'd had hold of him._

 

_It was only as he realised that Sam was screaming in fear that he stopped, turning slowly, all thoughts of revenge forgotten as he took in the sight before him._

 

_Chrissy was no longer lying on the floor where she had fallen...Or rather she was, but it wasn't anything like her. A decaying body lay in her place, skin slowly turning blue and torso bloating with the gases of decomposition. It was all happening faster than normal, James knew, he'd been to enough post-mortems to know how bodies decomposed._

 

_James hugged Sam tight to his chest, averting the young child's gaze from the gruesome sight. It was then that he remembered that this was impossible, Chrissy had already been dead a year..._

 

**********************************

 

James woke with a start, aware of tears on his cheeks as his heart hammered in his chest. He turned to his side and was surprised to see Sam awake and staring at him worriedly.

"Sammy? What's wrong?"

"You haved another bad dream. You screamed Daddy." The little boy snuggles closer to James and he can feel him shaking a little. Hathaway pulls him closer, trying to offer reassurance. Sam continues speaking;

"I wanted to get Unca Robbie, but then I hearded a bang down'a stairs and I was too frighted."

"What bang?"

"Just a bang." James started to get out of bed, pulling on some tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt that he kept by the bed.

"I'm going to go downstairs-"

"No! Not leave me here."

"Sssh, listen, I'm going to go downstairs, I want you to go in Uncle Robbie's room and stay there till I come back ok? But try not to wake uncle Robbie up. Ok? Good boy." James smiled as Sam nods uncertainly, making sure he has his comfort blanket as he scrambles off the bed.

 

James makes sure that Sam goes into Lewis' room before heading downstairs carefully.

 

***********************************************

 

Lewis is awake as soon as he feels the other side of his bed shift. This time he does not mistake it for Val, he can hear quiet snuffling sounds. He turns over, already knowing what he will see when he does so.

"Sam? Kidda, what's wrong?"

"Daddy dreamed again. But I couldn't get you cos of the bang an' Daddy is gone to look at it an' he said to come in here an' to not be waking you up an' now I've waked you up an' I scared an' I want Daddy to come back here an' I sorry." Once the hurried words had run out, Sam started to cry.

"No need to be sorry lad, I don't mind being woken up if you're scared. Come on, stop crying eh? You're safe here laddie." As Sam's sobs slowly dwindled, Lewis stood up.   
"Right I'm going to see how your Dad is getting on. Stay here."

"Don't go...I scared, don't want be here on my own." Sam had reached out to Robbie, and grabbed one of his fingers. Lewis swallowed, realising that he didn't have the heart to leave the little boy there. He picked Sam up and walked around the room, shushing the kid to sleep. He hadn't heard any noise downstairs and he wasn't sure if this was good or bad. Once Sam had appeared to doze off, he headed downstairs, still carrying the child, to see what had become of his former sergeant.

 

He found James sitting at the table, staring at a couple of bits of paper. The younger man's head snapped up as he heard Lewis come into the room, softening as he realised that his son had fallen asleep and was firmly holding on to the ex-inspectors pyjama top.

"James, what's going on?"

"What?"

"Oh come on Jim, its not often that I have a very scared little boy climb onto my bed and start babbling about dreams and bangs downstairs and then finish by apologising for waking me up"

"Oh...Yeah." James doesn't seem to be very forthcoming and Lewis rolls his eyes in exasperation. He watches as James gets up from the table, and gently pulls the sleeping child off Robbie, stroking Sam's hair as the boy mumbles in his sleep. Hathaway sits back down on the chair again, holding Sam close and watching as the child subconsciously settles against his side in his sleep. Lewis sits opposite them at the table and sighs.

"What happened James? I couldn't make all that much sense out of the bairn."

"I had a dream. Bad one. Must have screamed or something because it woke Sammy up. He was going to go get you again ...should probably tell him not to do that next time actually ... he was going to get you but he heard a bang downstairs and it scared him...So I suppose he just waited for me to wake up."

"Firstly, you'll tell him no such thing. Two reasons. One, I'd rather come and help if you need me, and don't look at me like that, I saw the state you were in the last time. Two, it is not fair on the lad to have to stay there alone like that. Not with you screaming and shouting in your sleep. It scares him James, and to tell him not to come looking for help isn't fair." James looks down at the youngster and nods slowly.

"Didn't think of that. You're right...about him anyway. I-I don't need your help though."

"Daft sod. Nightmares don't get less scary when you get older, God knows, I still have them. I don't mind Jim. I'd rather the young'un woke me up than you both had to deal with it alone." James smiles shyly and nods again.

"Thank you si-Robbie."

"Now, what's this bang that Sam was going on about?"

"Was your letterbox I think" James said and the tone of his voice told Lewis that he wasn't going to like what ever was coming next. James pushed the paper over to him. One was a copy Sam's birth certificate. Lewis looked at the name and filed it away for future conversation. That in itself wasn't a problem, anyone could get hold of a kids birth certificate. It was he other piece of paper that was the problem.

 

_Mr Hathaway,_

_We know you are staying here. We know your son is too. I am after you, and I won't stop until you know the pain I'm going through. You had my son taken away and I will do the same to you. You'll feel everything I'm feeling and more, knowing that it was all your fault. Your son will die like mine did and I assure you Mr Hathaway, I'm not squeamish in these matters._

_Think about it_

_Oh and don't try to leave Lewis' house and hide away. We'll know and we'll shoot your ex-inspector. We'll leave you alive of course, once we've killed those dear to you. You'll have to live with it._

_Sincerely...well now, that would be telling wouldn't it?_

 

Lewis looked up as he finished reading and he could see the fear and anger in James' eyes. He rather suspected that his own mirrored the younger man's. Suddenly all the anger left James' eyes and all that remained was fear. Fear and uncertainty.

"What...what do I do Robbie? I mean this isn't just about me is it? They, fucking hell, they want my son."

"We go to Innocent. We'll phone her in the morning" James shook his head.

"No!...No, they'll see that as a threat."

"James...Jim, please listen to me. I don't want to scare you lad. But this note...they mean to get you. They'll try whether we tell Jean Innocent or not. Surely its better if we have back up. Even if its just one man."

"You're right. Except for one thing. They don't mean to get me. They mean to get Sam. If it was me, I'd go and bloody find them. But...I want to grab him and run, keep running till I couldn't even find me."

"Aye. I know what you mean James. But you saw the note. You can't run. Well you can, but it won't change anything. I know this seems mad kidda, but go to bed. Take your son back to bed and sleep." James nods and Robbie is surprised that he is agreeing.

"I...I think that's for the best Robbie."

"It is" Robbie says firmly. There's one more thing he has to know though, just a little thing. He finally plucks up the courage when James is almost out of the room.

"James..."

"Robbie?" Lewis holds up the birth certificate slightly. James shifts uncomfortably and he almost considers leaving it. But he can't.

"Sam _Robert_ Hathaway?" James looks down at the floor, his cheeks flushed lightly with scarlet.

"Yes. That's his name."

"I know lad...I just...why?" For a few seconds, Lewis is convinced that James isn't going to answer, or worse, he's going to fob him off with some excuse. But then Hathaway raises his head and stares past Lewis, at the far wall, before raising his eyes to the ceiling as if preparing himself and answering Lewis quietly.

"We...we agreed that Chrissy'd get to name him and I'd get to choose his middle name. And then, if we had another kid..." Robbie wished he couldn't hear the sorrow in that last sentence.

"You'd get to choose the first name and her the second?"

"Yes sir." James took a deep breath. "Well, she named him Sam after her father and I...I er... And I thought of...er...the one person that had ever acted like a father to me and well...Sam Robert Hathaway." Lewis couldn't speak for a short while. He was scared his voice would break and that would embarrass them both.

"I'm sorry sir, I never intended you to find out...I shouldn't have..." James was babbling, _Dear God, the boy actually thinks that I'm upset about it!_

"Shut up James" Robbie interrupted, voice rough with emotion. "How could you possibly think that I'd have a problem with that? I'm...I'm touched lad. I wasn't aware that I'd ever acted like..."

"You saved me. Back when we first met. When Will killed himself, when Zoe tried to kill me, When I cracked after the Zelinsky case. You saved me Robbie and I look at Sammy, and I've never been so bloody grateful. And...I wanted my son to have a little bit of that...just in case I couldn't do it." Lewis merely nodded, really not trusting himself to speak, if he'd had such an effect on James, simply by just being nice to him, he hated to think what had been going through the lad's mind at the time of the aforementioned events. James smiled a little.

"And now I've just made this awkward, I think I'll go to bed." Lewis smirked.

" _Just_ made it awkward? You've always been an awkward bugger."

"Charming. But I meant what I said sir, all of it." And with that he left, cradling his child.

 

Lewis watched him go and smiled. He wasn't exactly sure what he'd done, but somewhere along the line, he'd obviously done something right for James Hathaway.

He stared at the letter on the table and resisted the urge to rip it up. He just had to hope that he'd manage to do right by the younger man again. There was even more at stake this time.

 

It was another half an hour before Lewis moved towards his bedroom. It was another hour before he fell asleep, his mind alternating between the pride that he felt about James giving Sam his name, and the anger he felt that someone was threatening his best friend and his son.

 


	7. Chapter 7

The next evening, Robbie announced that he was going to call Innocent. Hathaway hadn't made a move towards the phone all day and Lewis knew that he was avoiding it. James looked up from where he was playing with the Lego still strewn across the floor. A impatient looking Sam was tugging his sleeve where he'd stopped picking up the pieces.

"Are you sure? I mean, it might be nothing."

"Are you serious James? I mean really? Nothing? You've had a threatening letter for God's sake man. Look, you've got people on your side now, do the smart thing and take bloody advantage of it!" James looked at him for a few more seconds and then snapped back down to gently pull his son's hand off his shirt sleeve.

"You're right of course...I'll phone after I've given Sam a bath."

"Don't worry lad, I'll call her. You look after the kid." At this point, Sam started to pull on his father's sleeve again.

"Daaady, need to put the siren on." James looked down at the piece he'd been handed distractedly.

"...Hang about, police cars have sirens, not the stations."

"Why?"

"Because the police cars have to move fast on their wheels don't they? They need to be able to let the traffic know they are there." Sam frowns at this new found knowledge, before rooting through the box of bricks and pulling out two sets of wheels.

"If we put this on the sta'ion, does it need a siren then?" Lewis laughs at James perplexed look.

"Never try to understand a child's logic Jim, it'll only make your head hurt.” James smiles and fixes the wheels to the bottom of the building, before putting the sirens on.

"Right, come on trouble, time for a bath."

"Noooooo! Wanna play with the policemobile." James nearly smiles at the moniker that his son has given the Lego creation, but he holds it together. Lewis watches with interest. This is the closest that the boy has come to a tantrum and all in all, its not really that explosive. Still, he'll be intrigued to see how James handles it.

"After your bath."

"But...Don't need bath. I wanna play."

"You can Sam, after your bath." The little boy crumples his face into a expression of extreme anger, which to be perfectly frank, both the adults find endearing and then stomps after James into the bathroom.

 

Five minutes later Sam comes running out again, shirt half off around his neck. James pops his head around the living room door.

"Er...he wants to find out if...police mobiles can float in the bath. I told him they would but apparently, Daddy doesn't know anything about police mobiles because he's never driven one."  
"S'true...police mobiles different to police cars..they built for everything" Sam shouts in excitement as he picks the Lego creation up. "'cept flying, they can only fly when they fall off cliffs." James just shakes his head in amusement as he scoops his son up, 'policemobile' and all and walks back to the bathroom with him. As Lewis goes to pick up the phone, he can just hear Hathaway's voice over the happy squeals of Sam.

'And Sam's can only fly when their Daddy's pick them up." Robbie grins as he dials Innocent's number.

 

***************************************

 

"Jean?" Its been too long for Robbie to still be calling Jean Innocent 'Ma'am'

"Robbie? How are you? How are James and Sam?"

"I'm fine Jean. More than actually, its great to have a littl'un in the house again. Sam's fine, he's currently covering my bathroom in water and Lego bricks if the noise coming from there is anything to go by." He pauses, realising that this will make no sense to someone who hasn't been in the house for the last half an hour. "...Er, James is trying to get him to have a bath."

"I see," Innocent says in a voice that implies that she really doesn't. "And how is James?"

"...I...I'm not sure. You know what he's like, good at hiding it all isn't he? Especially when Sam is around."

"Hmm, does he even know you've called me?"

"Yeah...yeah he knows, I had to force him to accept the help, but he knows."

"Right. What did you want to phone me up for?" Robbie recounts the night before, starting with Sam coming into his bedroom, and ending with finding James staring at the paper. He leaves the bit about Sam's name out, that still gives him emotions that he doesn't really want to be discussing with his former superior.

"Sounds like we need to go through his old cases."

"Just his?" Lewis asked, the obvious question in his voice. _Are you sure this doesn't go back further?_

"We'll start there. They don't seem to be bothered with you Robbie."

"No, " Lewis replied, his teeth grinding. "They're after the kid. I won't let it happen Jean."

"I know. James won't either. Robbie...keep an eye on him. I know he's over forty now, but I'm betting that he hasn't changed all that much. Do you remember what he was like during the Will McEwan case?"

"How could I forget?" He said and she didn't admonish him for his cheekiness. He fancied he could hear a smile in her voice.

"Yes...Well. Just watch him eh?"

"Already am Jean." He could hear her her earrings scraping across her phone and Lewis knew she was nodding in approval.

"Good. I'll come over tomorrow, hopefully with his case files. Give him and the kid my love." And with that she hung up.

 

James came back into the living room, a bundle of child and pyjama's in his arms. The lad was also wrapped in a Thomas the Tank engine towel. A dry one of course. The police mobile was nowhere in sight. James' shirt clung to him where it'd been liberally splashed with water.

"What happened to the car?" James grimaced and Sam grinned.

"Couldn't fly and swim." Sam said as James nodded resignedly, plucking at his sodden shirt.

"By that, he means if you throw while standing on top of the toilet and miss the water..it breaks." James grins at Lewis' expression. "Don't worry, I picked it all up." Looking at them both stood there, Robbie decided that Sam had definitely inherited his fathers smug-face.

"Come on then scalliwag," he said, chasing a squealing Sam who giggled happily when he was caught. "Let's leave your Dad to dry off after he crashed the policemobile.” Sam nodded and laughed, delighted that his Dad was getting the blame for breaking the car.

"I can has a bedtime story?"

"Yeah come on then. Then you go to bed."

 

When Hathaway returned from the bathroom in a clean black t shirt, he could see that Robbie was reading Sam's favourite Thomas the Tank Engine book. The four year old was curled up next to him, staring intently at the pictures with his thumb in his mouth.

Just as he was about to open his mouth to offer to make a cup of tea (although he did find all the voices Robbie was doing kid of sweet), the doorbell rang.

"I'll go," he found himself saying as Lewis' head snapped up. "Sammy's nearly asleep, be a shame to disturb him.

 

Lewis smiled down at the little boy. His eyes were drooping and his thumb was hanging half out of his mouth. Sam's knees were drawn underneath him and his head was resting on Robbie's side, Lewis' left arm reaching around him to hold the book.

"More story please Unca R'bbie." He could hear the tiredness in the child's voice and he cleared his through, ready to start again. And then it seemed like an angry female tornado was coming through his door.

 

"JAMES HATHAWAY, YOU SNEAKY SOD! DID I NOT WARRANT A PHONECALL THEN EH?"

"I-I..."

"Don't you try and excuse it mister. It comes to something when you have to find out that your one of your best friends is back in town through back room station gossip!"

_Shit. Laura. We didn't..._ Robbie looks down to where Sam has clung onto him and shuffled closer, eyes once again wide staring towards the hallway.

"Unca Robbiiie" He says, fear creeping into his voice.

"Sssh, its ok Sammy lad, that's just Laura."

"Why she shouting? Why she shouting at Daddy?"

"Er...we should probably have told her you and your Dad were visiting Oxford, I think she is a bit upset."

James backs into the room, and if it wasn't for the scared child who had climbed into his lap, and the irate pathologist standing in his living room, he'd find it funny.

"And I don't know what you're smirking about Robert Lewis!!" She paused as Sam wriggled down from his lap and ran to hide behind James' legs.

"You should know better! You should have called me the day he turned up! Christ Robbie! It's been six years, don't you think I might have wanted to see the man?"

"I'm sorry Laura, honest. We just..." He looked to James for assistance.

"We didn't want to involve more people than we had to in this."James replies in the most placating voice he can as he picks Sam up.

"In what? Ja-mes, what are you mixed up in now?" Once she had realised that this wasn't just a social call, that James had come to Robbie because there was something wrong, the anger deflated out of her.

 

Robbie makes a pot of tea, its one of the things he kept of Val's, her ceramic teapot. There's a bottle of whiskey in the cupboard and beer in the fridge, but he wants to make sure Laura really has calmed down before alcohol is introduced. Sam wanders into the kitchen and attempts to climb up on the worktop where Lewis had placed him the morning after. Lewis thinks he probably shouldn't be encouraging it, but what the hell; he's the granddad/uncle figure and therefore, he's allowed to do that. He plonks Sam down on the surface.

"What brings you in here lad?"

"Want juice please." Sam said, scooting across the worktop towards the fridge, on his bum. "And Daddy is sad again." Lewis handed Sam his refilled plastic beaker now containing juice.

"Aye well he's not seen Laura for a while, they have stuff to talk about."

"Talkin' 'bout Mummy. Makes me and Daddy sad."

"Com'ere kidda." Sam sidles up to Robbie and puts his arms around Lewis' waist. "Let's go and give your Dad and Laura some tea eh? Cheer them up." Sam nods slowly and follows Robbie into the living room reluctantly.

As they walk in, Lewis can see what Sam meant. Laura's hand is resting on James' arm and his head is bowed. Hobson has a pained expression on her face. Robbie crosses the gap, putting the tray with the tea on the table and gently resting his hand on James' shoulder for a brief moment, before taking the seat beside Hobson at the table. There are four seats at Robbie's dining room table, enough for one each, but Sam's seat is empty. He's walked up to James and is grizzling at him to sit on his lap. James pulls him up and both Robbie and Laura can see that he's holding the boy closer than normal, that he feels vulnerable.

"Right, enough of this," Robbie says, smiling. "He told you what's been going on Laura? Yeah? Now, we're gonna have a drink and watch something stupid on the telly." James smiles gratefully. He stood up.

"Come on Sammy, time for bed."

"Noooo! I'm not tired. Wanna stay up."

"Bedtime!" James says sternly. He scoops the still protesting child up and heads upstairs.

Once they get into the bedroom, Sam seems much enamoured to the idea of sleep. He doesn't protest as James lays him in the bed instead turning onto his side and placing his thumb in his mouth. When James starts to leave though, he changes his mine.

"Don't go Daddy. Not want to be on my own." James sighed, but he wasn't really annoyed. He sat in the chair by the bed and gently rubbed his thumb over the boy's forehead, watching as Sam's face slowly relaxed and he reached out, half asleep to grab at his father's arm.

 

***************************************************

 

"Laura? How did he seem?" She looked at Robbie with an air of sorrow.

"Sad...He was sad."

"Aye, not a surprise is it really? Someone's threatening him and his son."

"No, that's making him angry. The sadness. That's different." He raises his eyebrow quizzically. She gives him a sad look. "I've seen it before." He cocks his head at her and then it suddenly dawns, that its _him_ that she's talking about.

"Oh."

"Oh indeed. Keep an eye on him Robbie, he might be all grown up, but he's still that insecure young sergeant deep down."

"I know Laura. I saw it the instant he turned up on me doorstep eight days ago. He's not changed. He bottles it all up, the same as before. He's grieving, raging and screaming with fear inside and he's determined not to talk to me about it." Laura gives him a sad smile.

"You might have to make him talk Lewis. Its going to tear him apart if he lets it. And he will let it, you know he will. And Robbie...Robbie, you know what it'll do to him. You've been there." Lewis sighs and rubs a hand across his face.

"Aye, I know lass. That kid of his, is the only reason he hasn't ended up how I did."

"I can imagine." Robbie shakes his head sadly.

"You can't. You've barely seen them together Laura. James lives for that kid. He's..." Lewis hesitates, unsure whether James'd appreciate what he's about to say.

"Go on Robbie."

"...The only thing that he's opened up about is these nightmares he's been having. The only reason he's told me to be fair, is because he woke Sam up. The boy panicked and came to get me, thought James was ill. If Sam hadn't come to get me, I'd not have known about it. He had a nightmare last night, still hasn't told me what it was about. It was a bad one."

"Nightmares? What was the one he did share about?"

"Masked men abducted Sam at gunpoint and shot James in the leg so he couldn't save him." Hobson whistled.

"That...I can guess why that hit him."

"Aye. How do I fix him Laura? He's...he's gonna go under and I can't watch it."

"I don't know Robbie. That's just something you're going to have to play by ear."

"Yeah. I know. That's just the problem." Laura put a hand on his shoulder as she stood up.

"You'll both be ok Robbie...Speaking of which, where has he got to?"

 

They both headed upstairs, slightly concerned after the conversation they had just had. They needn't have worried though, upon inspection, it became obvious that James was fine. Sam was sound asleep in the bed curled up. Hathaway himself was also asleep, slumped in the chair, one arm reached towards Sam. His hand was still resting on the boy's head. Laura smiled tenderly and pointed towards the little boy.

"He doesn't look all that phased by any of this does he?" she whispered. Lewis smiled.

"Nah, go on. Wake Jim up, he'll regret it if he falls asleep there." Laura put a hand on James' shoulder and gently shook him. Slowly he stirred, opening his eyes.

"Wha-? Where's'a body?...L'ra?"

"Sssh James, you'll wake up Sammy. We just figured that you'd be better off asleep in bed than on the chair." James nodded and sat up fully, blinking heavily. He was still half asleep and between them, Lewis and Laura managed to get James into pyjamas and to brush his teeth. Lewis left the room to grab a glass of water for both James and Sam and when he returned, Laura had manoeuvred Hathaway into the bed and was gently stroking his forehead, looking the most motherly that Robbie had ever seen her. Satisfied that James had gone to sleep, Laura turned to Lewis;

"He's exhausted Robbie."

"I don't think he's sleeping properly. I don't think he has for a while. All this had been going on for weeks."

"Well, make him sleep. Tomorrow night Lewis. Medical opinion, spike his drink with sleeping pills if you have to, just make him sleep." Robbie nodded, realising how serious she was. They both turned around and saw that James had moved to place his hand over Sam's and was curled into a ball, as much as his long frame would allow. Listening, they heard that his breathing was regular and in a steady rhythm and they were content that he would sleep well.

 

When Laura left an hour later, Robbie was very careful to close the door quietly.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't be online for the weekend, or at least I won't have access to the files in order to upload them, so I'm going to upload the next two chapters tonight. Some action for you all...

When Lewis came downstairs the next morning, he found Sam sitting on his own in the living room, playing with the Lego.

"Mornin' Unca Robbie."

"Mornin' Sammy...Where's ye Dad?"

"S'makin' breakfas'. Said for me not to go in there cause of the hot oil." Sam turned back to his game and Lewis frowned. James had never told Sam not to go in before, not to Robbie's knowledge. He could feel that something was up, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Just then he heard a smash and then a muted "Fuck". Lewis flicked his gaze towards Sam who seemed to not have heard, or if he had, he wasn't interested.

"I'm gonna go give your Dad a hand with the oil ok kidda? You stay here and play eh?"

"Making policemobile two."

"Aye, you do that laddie. I'll come and have a look in a bit" Sam nodded and Lewis went into the kitchen.

 

He saw James, trying to wipe up a spill and clean up a broken glass. It was clear from the cut on his hand, that he wasn't doing all that good a job of it. He didn't react when Lewis came in, keeping his head down and getting on with the job at hand.

"James, wash the glass out of your hand, I'll deal with that."

"N-No, its ok, I'll just..." Something was off here, Lewis could feel it. When he bent down and moved James' bleeding hand out of the way, he saw, or rather smelt, why.

"Did this have-? Christ Jim, its not even ten in the morning yet and you're drinking whiskey, what the bloody hell is going..." Lewis trailed off quietly. Of course, it was Wednesday. It'd been a year since Chrissy had been murdered.

"You've only done this today haven't you? Please tell me this isn't a regular thing?" James shook his head sadly, studying the floor.

"Only today. Thought about it before, but only actually..." Lewis sighed.

"This isn't the way to deal with it kid. Trust me, I know, I've been there and done it."

"Don't know how else to deal with it." James mumbled, and Lewis saw the scared, lost child that he must have once been.

"Not like this," Robbie said firmly. "Its easy enough to start, but you won't be able to stop. You'll end up relying on it, needing it to get through the day, using to numb all the feelings you have until you feel nothing any more." He looked straight into James' eyes and saw the recognition there. James knew that he was talking from experience. He hated to be harsh, but James needed to see.

"Sam...Jim, they'll take Sam away from you."

"It was only one..."

"Its never only one James. Not when you're using it to forget. That 'one' wouldn't have been enough. You know it wouldn't." James nods sadly and he's shaking a little. Lewis isn't sure if its the drink, or the fact that he's only just realising how close he came to losing it.

"Come on bonny lad, we'll patch that hand up, make breakfast and face the day alright? You can always talk to me lad. If you want me to keep Sam occupied..."

"No. I...I want to be with him today." Lewis nodded, seeing that James was scared to be left on his own with his thoughts, scared of what he'd do.

"Right then. Now lets get some food in you to soak up that alcohol. Innocent is coming around with your case files later remember." James' eyes widened in fear.

"S-Shit...D'you think she'll guess...I mean about the drinking. Shit. I'm sorry Robbie."

"One, don't be sorry. Its not like I can really have the moral high ground is it?"

"And two...?"

"Eat something lad and hopefully you won't feel it." James just looks at the floor, at the slivers of glass still there.

"I'm sorry. I never wanted to...I mean, I wouldn't have drunk...Not with Sam around...Not if I'd been alone with him." Lewis hears the unspoken words. _I wouldn't have drunk this early if I hadn't known you would be there for him._

"Jim. What's done is done yeah? Come on, lets get this cleaned up...actually you go wash your hand. I'll get rid of this glass, wouldn't want the littl'un to walk on it would we?"

 

They eventually get it cleaned up and breakfast gets made. As soon as they walk into the living room, Sam runs up to his father to show him his remodelled policemobile. James freezes, and for a second, Lewis thinks that he won't even acknowledge his son, but then he does. He bends down and crouches, gazing at the lad, as Sam explains all the little things that are sticking out of the model car.

 

They kill a few hours playing with Sam. James seems to revel in spending time with him, even more than he does normally. Robbie is there if he wobbles, if he starts to tear up or if his voice breaks.

Which it does. There's no denying it, James is finding the day hard. And Lewis is finding it hard to watch, seeing himself echoed in the younger man. Innocent is due in half an hour, and they both agree that since its almost lunchtime, they should rustle up something to serve her. James suggests pasta and sets about making it. There's just one snag.

"Robbie...you have no pasta."

"What, none at all?" Lewis shouts from the living room.

"Nope...none." Lewis walks into the kitchen to see for himself.

"I'll nip out and buy some...There's a little corner shop up the road."

"Robbie?" James hesitates and shifts awkwardly.

"Jim?...Spit it out lad."

"Er...can you?...Would you mind...taking Sammy with you?" Hathaway notices Lewis' worried look and hastily carries on. "I'm-I'm not gonna drink. I promise. I just...I want to be alone for a couple of minutes. I know I said earlier that I wanted to be with him but I just need..."

"It's ok Jim, I get it." James smiles gratefully. Its a thin, barely-there smile, but its a smile nonetheless.

"Thank you." Robbie waves a hand at him in acknowledgement as he goes to get Sam ready to come to the shop with him.

 

***********************************************

 

They walk back, Sam chattering non-stop as he sits on Robbie's shoulders. Lewis smiles. He's always liked having kids about, they've got a youthful energy and enthusiasm and its contagious.

The smile drops from his face as he catches a glimpse of his kitchen. He can see that James is stood there, in the corner where the two worktops meet. It looks suspiciously like he's hugging himself and Lewis knows that he's not coping nearly as well as he is trying to make out.

He lets him and Sam through the door and steers the boy into the living room, figuring that James probably isn't in a state to engage with him. He takes a deep breath and walks into the kitchen, closing the door behind him.

 

Hathaway is where Lewis thought he was. He has his arms wrapped around himself and his eyes are bloodshot and puffy. Robbie follows his gaze, he hasn't even reacted to Lewis' entry into the room, and his eyes rest on an empty shot glass. For a second, Lewis fears that James has done exactly what he said he wouldn't. Lewis crosses over to the counter top and picks up the glass, sniffing the edges.

"...I didn't...Robbie, I swear I didn't."

"Sssh, Jim I believe you lad." He put the glass back on the side and watched as James tipped his head back, leaning it against a wall cupboard.

"I can't..." Robbie can see in James' whole body, how much he's restraining himself, how much he's holding it all in. He walks over and puts a hand on the arm, feeling the shake underneath his palm.

"It's ok to feel you know kid. You don't have to bottle it up. Its ok."

"It's not. Its not fucking ok Robbie! She's dead, and I'm stuck here without her! How is any of that ok?" Lewis recognises the anger there. He knows that James isn't angry at him directly, he is angry at the injustice of his wife's death. As he watches though, all the fight goes out of James and he drops into a chair, shoulders shaking as he cries silently. Robbie does nothing except put an arm around him, pulling his phone out of his pocket to text Jean Innocent.

 

\- Come an hour later? Don't eat lunch.  
\- Ok? Is everything alright?

\- No...not really.

\- Robbie?

\- James bad. Been a year today. Getting him sorted but could do with a bit more time.

\- Oh God, Text me when you're ready. Look after him.

\- Will do.

 

After a while, James' sobs dried out and he straightened up. He avoided Lewis gaze at first, wiping his eyes on his shirt.

"M'sorry"

"Stop apologising man. You shouldn't apologise for grief James."

"Still...I'm sorry. And...thank you."

"No problem. Come on, we better get going on lunch. I told Jean to come over an hour later."

 

*************************************************

 

When Jean does come to the house, an hour later, she does her best not to treat James any differently and Robbie is grateful. It has to be said that James is doing a pretty good job of looking ok. Although he is once again, holding Sam close whenever the little boy sits on his lap. She tells them that she can't put a man outside, they're understaffed. But the phone line is being monitored so that any calls to the police from Lewis' phone will go straight to her.

 

After they've eaten, and Robbie and Sam have done the washing up, (Lewis makes a mental note to put tea towels or something on the floor next time) Innocent take a hefty pile of files out of her bag. She spreads them across the table and they start to look through them all. Sam is highly fascinated by all the folders and opens the ones that James sets aside.

 

They get through all the files and nothing jumps out at them. James sighs and rocks back on the chair, disappointment written all over his features.

"I thought we'd find something. I mean, I thought." he shakes his head and gets up. "I need some air" Robbie goes to follow him, but Jean puts a hand on his shoulder and gently makes him sit down again.

"Leave him be Robbie, he needs time." Lewis nods and watches as Sam stares after his Dad, before getting up and following him out into the garden. After he leaves, Jean turns to Lewis.

"There's one more file Robbie."

"Why didn't you-!" She holds a hand out to stop him.

"Because its been a year today and I don't think he wants to look over it. I don't think...Lewis from your texts earlier, he isn't coping half as well as he's making out is he?" Lewis sighs as it dawns on him that she means the file on his wife's death.

"No. He isn't. I caught him drinking whiskey this morning. About half nine." Robbie rubs a hand over his mouth, before saying quietly;

"He's going the same way as me isn't he Jean? He said today was the first time he'd drank like that but..."

"You don't believe him?"

"Of course I believe him, its just...I know what it's like don't I? This time will come every year won't it? And even if he weathers the next couple...I'm not sure he's strong enough to make it through another 20, 30 days like today." Jean can see that there's more, but Lewis isn't saying it.

"And?"

"Well...I'm not gonna be around to help him forever am I? One day, hell one day I'm going to be just another date that he has to make it through." Her eyes widen, as if she's never considered the possibility and he thinks that's ridiculous. Everyone dies and in their job, they know it more than most. It doesn't occur to him that she's shocked that he seems to think that's all he'll be to them. They hear the back door being shut and glance at each other quickly.

"We give him the file?" Innocent asks, already knowing the answer.

"...We give him the file." Jean take it out of her bag and places on the table in front of her.

 

James comes back in holding Sam. Lewis appraises him subtly. His eyes look ok, Robbie doesn't think he's been crying. There's a bit of red powder on the back of his shirt and Lewis knows he's been leaning against the wall in the garden. The younger man sits back in his seat and gives a half smile.

"Better James?"

"Yeah", he says, in answer to Innocent's question. He points at the file. "What's that?"

"Its another file. Chrissy's file." His face drops, he recovers quickly, his dead pan mask firmly back in place in an instant. It doesn't fool Lewis. The mask might be in place but the cracks are visible.

"We don't have to look James" Jean says softly, her hand resting on top of it. When James speaks, his voice is toneless.

"We do..." He swallows and then pulls himself together. "I do."

 

From the file, Lewis and Jean learn exactly what happened the night Hathaway's wife died. Its hard for all of them, although hardest for James. He hasn't seen some of the transcripts since he was saying the words to the DC that interviewed him. Lewis is reading the questions, remembering much the same thing being asked of him when Val died. Jean can only sit and watch as the task in hand slowly destroys two of the best men she ever had under her command.

 

James reads the transcript of the phone call that informed him what had happened. Its all been typed out, clinical, methodical. It displays none of the emotion that was crackling down the line.

_DS Michaels: Inspector?_

_Hathaway: Yes? What is it? I'm on the way to interview-_

_DS Michaels: Been told to take you off that job Sir..._

_Hathaway: What are you talking about?_

_DS Michaels: Um...you see._

_Hathaway: Spit it out kid._

_DS Michaels: Its-its your wife sir, we...we received a report...all coppers wives have priority in case of...  
Hathaway: What? What's happened? TELL ME!_

_DS Michaels: You need to go to the Royal Free Hospital sir._

_Hathaway: Which ward?_

_DS Michaels: She's er....she's not on a ward sir._

 

James remembers it like it was yesterday. He'd known, he'd known as soon as his sergeant had told him that Chrissy wasn't on a ward that she was dead. He'd driven to the hospital blindly and once he'd shown his warrant card, Frantically asking after Christina Hathaway, he'd been shown to the morgue.

 

His hands clench on the paper and if either of his friends notice, they don't comment. He'd prefer it that way. He doesn't want their pity, after all Lewis has been through the same thing. There's something else niggling at him but he pushes the thought away as Sam climbs onto his lap. It jerks him out of his memories and he pulls the boy towards him as he pushes the chair back with his feet. He wanted to make sure that Sam would always remember his mother and so his son has seen photos and has always been encouraged to ask questions about them. He doesn't want Sam to see the picture in the file and ask more questions. He knows that Lewis is holding onto the post mortem photos and he's grateful because he doesn't know what would happen if he saw them.

Nonetheless, Sam stretches towards the table to have a look. He doesn't know what's going on. There's just another interesting folder to him. Jean snatches it up away from his view and James lets out a breath that he didn't realise he was holding. No one sees the piece of paper that falls out, no one except the four year old boy, miffed at not being able to see the file. He scrambles down and grabs the paper, handing it to Hathaway.

 

_Case Update: Martin Harper died at HM Prison Belmarsh, where he was being held for the murder of Christine Emma Hathaway in 2024, following an altercation with another inmate. Cause of death was bleeding out from his femoral artery due to being stabbed in the left thigh._

 

James hands the note over to the others so they can read it and rubs at his eyes when they are occupied with it. Lewis looks up at him.

"You alright lad?"

"Yeah...Yeah I'm...ok."

"No-one told you he'd died?"

"No...I er, I threatened him, in the courtroom. They wouldn't even tell me which prison he was sent to. Human rights and all that. Bollocks. He didn't care about Chrissy's sodding rights did he? Little shit got what was coming to him."

"You don't mean that James", Innocent said quietly, not wanting to see this sort of hate coming from the young man even though she could fully understand where he was coming from.

"Don't I? He'd have been out in a few years. That bastard would have been out walking around the streets of London, and my wife would still be six foot under." His voice cracked, but then something else flared in his eyes.

"Why wasn't this file in at the first count?"

"I didn't think today was the day for you to be reading it James." Jean looked straight at him, meeting his eyes.

"Well what the fuck do you know about it? Its been a year. I've been feeling this for a bloody year. Not just today. Every day, for the last three hundred and sixty five."

"James I-" Robbie started but James cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it Robbie! I don't know what you both think of me. D'you think I'm weak, is that it? I've seen what living in the past does to people", Lewis flinched at his words but he was too angry to take them back. "I'm can handle it myself, I don't need either of your fucking pity!" With that he got up and left through the front door, the shake rocking the house as he slammed it shut. Lewis and Jean sat in silence for a few minutes, until everything seemed to catch up with Sam and he started to cry.

Robbie picked him up gently and shushed him, walking around the room.

"Where's Daddy gone?" Sam asked between sobs.

"Dad just got a little bit angry, he'll come back later kidda don't you worry." Sam nods uncertainly, but makes no move to let go of Lewis' neck. Jean coughs and stands up.

"I'm gonna leave Robbie. I really don't think I should be here when he gets back." Lewis shook his head.

"He'll get over it Jean. He'll come round, you'll see."

"I'm sure he will, but any more shouting and Sammy won't sleep for weeks..." She smiles at the little boy. "Night Robbie, thanks for lunch." Lewis is just about to tell her that James cooked it, but then realises that that wouldn't be the most diplomatic of answers, so he merely smiles and sees her out of the door.

Once Jean has left, Robbie turns his head to look at Sam, who is still looking sad and still won't let go of Lewis.

"Come on bonny lad. We'll get you some dinner. You're a growing lad, you need your grub eh?" he says, as he realises that its nearly half five.

"W'bout Daddy?"

"We'll make him something when he comes back ok?" Lewis is anxious to stop him from crying again. "Now, ravioli or bolognese Sammy?" He is seriously grateful for the Heinz tins he keeps for emergencies.

 

Sam settles on Ravioli and they cook it up in a saucepan. Sam cheers up as Robbie lets him stir the pasta, under strict supervision of course. While Sam is eating, the door bell rings.

"Daddy!" Sam says happily and he runs after Lewis as he goes to open the door. The little boy jumps up and James catches him, balancing on his hip. James still hasn't said anything, or made eye contact with Lewis.

"Well, are ye coming in Jim?"

"...If you'll have me."

"What? Don't be an idiot James, it doesn't suit you." Lewis scowls at him. Does the lad really think that he'd chuck him out.

"I'm-I'm sorry. I can't excuse-"

"-Its not me that you have to apologise to...Its Jean."

"I know. And I will. But I shouldn't have said what I did about you living in the past."

"James-" Lewis can see that his eyes are red rimmed and he's clearly been rubbing at them. But he can't smell alcohol which is good. He had visions of Hathaway rolling in late, absolutely sloshed.

"No, I'm sorry. That was a low blow."

"Kidda. You're under stress, you're upset and whether you'll admit it or not, you're scared. Don't worry about it."

They come inside and Robbie makes James some toast while Sam tells his father all about how he made the ravioli. James is smiling when Lewis comes in with the plate and he feels a bit of relief at the sight. Hathaway gratefully accepts the plate of toast and they both grin when Sam reaches out and grabs a small slice.

"Need it Dad. I'm growing lad. S'what Unca Robbie says." They both laughed, while Sam looked between them, trying to work out what he'd said that was so funny.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Since James had returned to the house, Sam had been very clingy with him, making sure he was always near to his father. James, for his part, didn't mind, he was happy to have the little boy around. Even though the argument had earlier had been an outlet for what he was feeling, the day wasn't over yet, and he was still finding the anniversary hard to bear.

As it was, they were all sat in the living room, Robbie reading a book, Hathaway and his son watching Thomas the Tank Engine since Sam remembered that Lewis had the DVD. A tea pot stood on the coffee table.

It was when the Fat Controller started tearing strips off Percy for crashing the Jam carriage, that James snapped his head up and looked straight at Robbie.

"Sir, where's that note? The one they stuck through the letter box, did you keep it?"

"Of course I did, why? James what is it?" Lewis answered, confused as James quickly got off the sofa, dislodging Sam from the corner he'd curled up in.

"I need to read it again." Lewis pointed at the draw that he'd put it in and then watched, as James read it and re-read it several times before slowly putting it down on the coffee table and sitting back, one arm snaking around his son protectively. Robbie waited for a while, and whe noting was forthcoming, he gently prompted the younger man.

"James?...Jim?" Hathaway looked up sharply, as if woken from a trance, and then smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry sir, I'm just trying to make sense of this." He pushed the note over to Lewis, who declined to comment on the use of the word 'sir'.

"See there? ' _You had my son taken away...'_ Well, I've never kidnapped anyone, so it has to be someone that I had put in prison."

"Yeah, ok. I see that." Robbie answered. He couldn't help but smile at the eager look on James' face. If the circumstances weren't so dire, and the stakes weren't the life of a four year old boy, he'd almost be enjoying this. It was like they were working a case again.

"And here," James pointed at the corresponding line, " _Your son will die like mine did and I assure you Mr Hathaway, I'm not squeamish in these matters._ " Lewis was stumped. He looked up at James and sighed.

"What am I not seeing James?"

"I-I'm not sure. But all this talk of son's and death...It made no sense at the time we read it, because I didn't know Harper was dead. However, now I do. I think this was written by Harper's father."

"Why would he be against you though? You weren't the arresting officer, I'm assuming you weren't even on the case." James nodded.

"No I wasn't, I learnt that lesson long ago. But I was a witness of sorts. I had put Martin Harper away for moderate stuff many times. He was sort of a career criminal. Most of it was juvenile stuff, he was only twenty-two."

"So you were known to him? Chrissy was a revenge thing?" James winced, almost imperceptibly, but he answered before Lewis had any chance to apologise.

"He didn't know who she was until he was brought in for questioning. But I went into the stand and showed his form and what a little bastard he was. He father had shouted at me that he'd finish me off. They're the only two that fit all this. Martin's recent death must have sparked of the revenge that he'd promised. Only he wants...wants me to..." Hathaway trailed off and Lewis sat forward, concern dancing across his features.

"James?" Hathaway, turned to his side and saw that Sam was staring at the TV, oblivious to the conversation being had around him. Lewis motioned towards the kitchen and James nodded, getting up to follow the older man.

 

Once they were there, with the door closed, James finally spoke.

"He wants me to suffer like he is. That's what he said. I mean, he wasn't coy about the fact that he's after Sammy."

"Kidda, he won't get him. We'll not let it happen."

"He wants to make Sam die like Martin did. What did that file say? Stabbed in the thigh?" James paled. "Shit. He though I knew about Martin. He was trying to imply...Fucking hell Robbie, he's 'not squeamish'. He's willing to stab my little boy in the fucking leg." Lewis grabbed James by the shoulders, it was clear to him that James was panicking.

"Hathaway listen to me! Nothing will happen to Sammy ok?" James nods half heartedly, breathing slower. "Nothing at all is going to happen to that boy, because I...listen to me Jim, I won't fucking let it." Robbie knows its an empty promise, he's way past his prime, and he's not all that good of an asset to have in a fight these days. But if there's one thing he's sure of; if someone wants to kill Sam Hathaway, they are going to have to kill him first.

He takes another long look at James and sees him shaking a little, and still looking pale.

"Go to the bathroom and wash your face lad. You can't let Sam see you scared like this, he'll ask questions. Go on, I'll go and sit with him" James went off to the bathroom, and Lewis retired to the living room, where Sam was still sitting watching TV. He looked up as Lewis re-entered the room and frowned.

"Where's Daddy?"

"He's gone to the bathroom."

"M'kay." That was all the reassurance that the youngster seemed to need. He smiled as James came back into the room and lay on his father's side when James sat down.

 

Suddenly, the telephone rang. James glanced towards it anxiously, and Lewis stood up slowly, hesitating before picking up the reciever.

"Hello? Oh Lyn, hello pet. Yeah I'm fine? Just a bit edgy, no, its nothing, I'm fine." James relaxed visibly and Sam snuggled against him.

"James is here. Yeah he came down a few days ago. He's got a bairn now, d'ya believe that? Aye, smashing little kid pet. What was that? Tim's out of town next week. We'll see love, might have a full house. Aye of course I'll talk to Ed." James turned and waved at Lewis, mouthing:

"We can leave, if Lyn wants to come down." Lewis shook his head.

"Not while there's a threat....hiya Eddie. How's me favourite grandson then? What? Won the footie tournament eh? You could be the next Alan Shearer kidda. What do ya mean 'Who's Alan Shearer?'" James had to stifle a grin, Robbie seemed genuinely perturbed by the fact that the kid didn't know about Shearer.

"...Pass me back to ye Mam lad. She's upstairs. Ok I'll talk to her tomorrow. Be a good lad now Ed. Yeah. G'night kidda."

He sits back down after the phone is replaced in its cradle. James sits up.

"Honestly sir, I can find somewhere else for a night or two. If-if you want to ask Lyn."

"Don't be stupid James. Where are you gonna go? Anyway, remember what the note said, no leaving the house."

"Oh...yeah" Hathaway replies quietly. Lewis smiles at him.

"You've had a long day James. Take the lad upstairs and get some rest. You need it." James starts to protest and Lewis interrupts him.

"Doctor's orders." At James' quizzical expression, Robbie elaborates. "Hobson. She knows you've not been sleeping, ordered me to make you get sleep tonight. She told me to spike your drink with sleeping pills." James glares and then looks warily at the teapot. Lewis holds up his hands.

"I don't have any, never trusted them anyway. And I haven't drugged the tea, we've both been drinking out the same pot remember. Anyway, much as I value Laura's advice, I thought I'd just try asking you to go to bed."

"Thank you. I-I don't like being drugged."

"No one does Jim." Lewis remembered that night where he'd run into a burning building, only to find his sergeant drugged, unresisting against the fire clawing its way through the house.

"Go on, off to bed with you." James nodded and picked Sam up, who for once, didn't protest, even though he wasn't all that sleepy.

 

No sooner had James headed up stairs, when the phone rang again. Lewis picked it up quickly, thinking it was Lyn, calling back to ask him something.

"Hello?"

"Mr Lewis?" Robbie's blood turned to ice in his veins.

"Who is this?"

It doesn't matter Mr Lewis. I just thought that we'd give you fair warning. We're coming for Hathaway and his boy tonight. Any attempt by any of you to escape and we'll shoot you all, including the boy."

"Why have you given us warning, you must know we're expecting you now?" Lewis tried to keep him talking, before he realised that only out going calls were being monitored by the police station. Incoming calls weren't. Damn.

"I want Mr Hathaway to feel fear. You have half an hour. Do not call the cops. We've got someone listening on the radios and we'll know." The click of the receiver, signalled that the suspect had hung up. Robbie stood staring at the phone for a few dazed seconds, before shouting urgently up to James.

"JAMES? GET DOWN HERE LAD!"

 

James ran down the stairs, Sam held in his arms. He saw Robbie staring at the phone and guessed at what had happened.

"It wasn't Lyn was it?"

"No bonny lad, it wasn't."

"What did they say?" Lewis recounted the conversation while James' eyes grew wider and his hold on Sam grew stronger. James added nothing onto the conversation and Lewis gently touched his shoulder.

"We need to get Sam somewhere. Hide him. If they see him straight off, they're just going to shoot us both and snatch him." James nodded slowly, but Lewis could see that he wasn't paying proper attention. Well for once, sorting his friend out would have to wait. He took the little boy out of Hathaway's unresisting arms and carried him up to his bedroom. The question is, how does he explain to Sam what he needs to do, without terrifying the child?

"Right Sam. I need you to do something very special for me ok?" Sam nods.

"There are some men coming to the house. And they don't like little boys. I need you to hide under my bed and not come out. Whatever you hear happening, you mustn't come out ok. And you really cannot go downstairs. Me and your Dad will be fine, you just need to stay here."

"Don't want to be on my own."

"Aye I know kidda." Lewis looks at his watch. 20 minutes. "Come on, we'll get your blanket."

 

They walk into the spare bedroom, which has now become Sam and James' room in Lewis' head. Sam grabs his blanket and and a stuffed duck that is lying on his pillow. He wants to bring a car with him, but Robbie says no. He knows it'll make noise and its vital that Sam stays hidden. The young boy seems to pick up on the seriousness of the situation because he doesn't protest, he just accepts what he's told.

James comes up the stairs as they head back to Robbie's room. Sam runs to him and Hathaway picks him up, squeezing him hard.

"You need to do what ever Uncle Robbie has told you to do ok Sammy boy?" His voice cracks and Robbie takes Sam back into the bedroom, helping him to get under the bed. A quick glance at his watch. 10 minutes.

"Last thing kidda. You only come out from there if me, your Dad, or a police officer tells you too. Got it?"

"Yes Unca Robbie. I scared. You turn the light off?"

"Aye kidda. I have to I'm sorry.

"S'ok, then the scary men won't see me." Lewis smiles sadly.

"Aye, you've got to be quiet though as well. Can you do that bonny lad?"

"Yeah." James bends down and kisses his son on the head.

"You be a good boy and do what Uncle Robbie said y'hear me? I love you Sam." Lewis decides then and there, that if football doesn't stop his heart one of these days, these two lads might break it.

"Love you too Daddy." James swallows and stands up. Robbie can see that his eyes are filled with water and he rests a hand on the man's shoulder.

"Come on, there's no point hiding him if they find us here with him."

"I can't lose him Robbie. Not today of all days. I-I just can't."

"You won't James. Look there's still another 8 minutes till they show up, stay with him for the next five."

 

Its only when he's alone in the kitchen, that Lewis realises that he is shaking. He clenches his fist in an attempt to regain control and its not working. God knows how Hathaway's feeling. He's never beena violent man, but Robbie wishes that he had a gun, or...something, because he wants to get these bastards. Cases with kids never sat well with him. And this isn't a case. Some one is threatening his best friend and a little boy that he feels could be his own grandson.

 

Its been five minutes and James comes downstairs and meets him in the kitchen. His face is pale and there is not a flicker of emotion on it. But Lewis can see the fire in his eyes, he's rarely seen Hathaway this angry and he's glad, because its a scary sight to behold.

"Robbie, I need to tell you this now. Because there won't be time later. You might not agree, but I'm sorry, I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway."

"James..." Lewis says carefully, There is no emotion in Hathaway's voice, the lad is doing a very good impression of a robot. Its almost scarier that the knowledge that theres a couple of nutters about to burst into the house.

"If one of them makes any move towards my kid, any move towards you, I am going to kill them. With my bare hands if I have to." Lewis merely nods.

"I know" He says simply. "I was thinking the same thing." James gives him a ghost of a smile.

Then there is a knock on the door and the smiles are wiped from both their faces.

"We tell them that Sam is somewhere else ok?" James merely nods, his jaw set.

 

Robbie opens the door and two men burst in, guns aimed at Lewis and Hathaway straight away. The two ex detectives back into the living room.

"Where's the boy?" The first man growls, and Lewis can see the resemblance to the grainy photograph of Martin Harper that was in the file.

"He's not here." Hathaway says, in full policeman mode. "D'you really think that I'd keep him here, knowing that a couple of ugly bastards like you were after him?"

"You haven't left the house. Well not since earlier when you stormed out, and you were alone." Lewis' heart leaps into his mouth as he realises that they have been watching the house. He just hopes that they've not been watching the back. He thinks not, otherwise they just have stormed the bedroom.

"We hid him before that. He's with a friend."

"Where can I find him" the masked man leans into Hathaway's face. James stares levelly back at the man.

"Not here Mr Harper. You're going nowhere near my son. You've got a problem with me, shoot me. My kid is innocent in all this."

"So was Martin, bastard copper. If it hadn't been for you, he'd not have been in prison." Lewis watches as James stand up properly. This is the moment where James is going to lose control, he can tell. But amazingly, James doesn't he just raises his voice at the man opposite.

"No Harper! Your son was in prison, because HE KILLED MY FUCKING WIFE!" Most people, Lewis included, would be intimidated by an angry Hathaway. But Harper just laughs.

"Yeah, he missed a trick there my lad. Now if it had been me, I'd have had my way with her...then killed her. She was a pretty woman your wife. "

 

There's no other way to describe it, James roared and launched himself at Harper senior. The man was stunned and so didn't duck th first blow James landed. The other masked man did nothing to help, which Lewis thought was weird. But with a gun pointedat his head, he had worse things to think about...

 

****************************************

 

Jean Innocent was just about to leave her office when a flustered looking DC appeared at her door. She reconised her as one that had been around when James and Robbie worked together.

"There's a call for you ma'am."

"I'm not here officer"

"Ma'am I really think you should, its from Lewis' house" Jean's heart constricted in her chest. She just _knew_ that this wasn't a social call.

"Patch it through, I'll take it in here."

 

"Hello? Lewis?" It was a completely unexpected voice that greeted her.

"Not Unca Robbie. Is Sam. Are you p'lice?"

"Yes. I'm Jean Innocent Sam. You came to my office remember? Now tell me why you've called 999." She was suddenly thankful that they had rerouted all emergency calls to the station. The kid has obviously been crying and someone without the knowledge of the situation that she had, would have a tough time getting the information from him. She heard that he was whispering and gathered that the adults had told him to hide.

"There's bad men in the house, they shouting an' Daddy shouting an' I not heard Unca Robbie an' I scared. Daddy an' Unca Robbie said stay under'a bed but it dark an' I see'd Unca Robbie's phone an' I call p'lice."

"Ok Sam. I need you to calm down ok?"

"I tryin'"

"What's happening now?"

"...crash bang. Think there's a fight. Nasty men gonna hurt Daddy an' Unca Robbie. They gonna get killed an' I scared. Dunno what'a do. Want Daddy. Want Unca Robbie. You needa come an' save us."

"I'm coming as quick as I can Sammy ok? You need to promise you'll stay put."

"P'omise"

"Good boy." She gestures to the DC with the phone.

"This is James Hathaway's son. Stay on the phone with him, try and keep him calm and quiet. I'm gonna get a squad together."

"Yes Ma'am."

 

As she leaves the office, she hears the officer talking.

"Well now Sam, what's your favourite animal?"

 

**********************************************

 

James staggered backwards. Lewis didn't realise anything was wrong until he saw that James didn't attack again. He followed the younger man's surprised gaze and saw the hypodermic needle sticking out of Hathaway's thigh.

"James!" Hathaway looked up at him and then stumbled backwards, dropping to the floor. Heedless of the gun at his temples, Lewis rushed forward to catch him.

"Easy kidda, I got you." He turned to Harper senior. "What have you done to him?" Lewis shouted. Harper senior smiled, a truly evil smile.  
"Tubocurarine chloride Mr Lewis. They use it as a muscle relaxant during surgical operations. Or used it, I should say. There are safer alternatives now."

"B-bastard!" Hathaway ground out from where he was lying, half propped up in Lewis' arms.

"Oh yes Mr Hathaway, I'm sure I am, but also very clever I think you'll agree. I mean the choice of drug is excellent. For a start, its not a numbing agent, so I can do this;" He kicked James viciously in the knee and James cried out. "and I know you'll still feel it."

Lewis hadn't failed to notice that James wasn't moving to protect the injured joint. He wasn't moving at all. His cry of pain hadn't sounded normal either.

"You'll not get away with this Harper! God help me, I'll stop you" Lewis said angrily.

"Shut up inspector! What a pity I only had enough for one dose. Don't you see that there is nothing you can do for him now," he said indicating to Hathaway. "He can't move any of his limbs, soon he won't be able to talk, and eventually, his lungs'll stop inflating. Its a muscle relaxant Mr Lewis, and you know, I don't have his details weight and such. So god knows what dose I've given him." Lewis subconsciously holds James a little tighter. "It might even be enough to stop the most important muscle of all."

"You heartless prick!" Lewis has seen movement by the window, there's back up outside. He has no idea how they knew to come, but he is unbelievably grateful.

"Now, Where is the boy!?"

"Piss off. I'm not telling you."

"I'll just have to find him then won't I?" Harper senior heads towards the staircase and Lewis can feel wetness on his arm, James is crying, he knows without having to look. Hathaway hasn't seen the back up outside. Lewis waits until Harper and his goon are just by the hallway and then he shouts at the top of his voice;

"NOW! MOVE IN! NOW!"

 

The officers burst in and quickly apprehend Harper and his henchman, the element of surprise on their side. Lewis bellows at one of the policemen to call an ambulance and they jump to it, the tone of the older man's voice leaving no doubt that one is needed.

 

************************************************

 

James realised just how scared he was when the back up burst through the door. He heard the door being smashed, he heard the shouting. He couldn't see any of it and he couldn't move to get a better look.

 

Robbie's face appeared in his field of vision and the older man looked as scared as James felt.

“S'ok Jim lad. Ambulance is on its way, you're gonna be alright. Just...shit I'm no good at this kidda, just keep breathing for me yeah?” That's getting harder, James can feel it. Its happening gradually, really slowly but its creeping up. He knows that soon, he's going to stop breathing, simply because his lungs are going to paralysed. He's going to be awake when it happens too. Its safe to say that he's really bloody scared.

 

Sam. He wants to see Sam. He needs to know that his son is ok.

“...S...” James' panic doubles as he realises that he can barely talk. Words are all he has a lot of the time, and now he's seemingly lost that as well.

“Ssssh now James, it's...its going to be ok.” _I want to see my son. Robbie, please get this._

“...Sa...” Lewis realises what he's trying to get across.

“He's upstairs James.” Lewis must see in his eyes what he wants because he carries on. “I-James I can't leave you here lad.”

“...g...t...hng.” _Go to him. Please, go and get my little boy. I need to see him before..._ Robbie nods.

“I'll be back as quick as, you better keep sodding breathing James Hathaway!” _Can't promise you that...sir._

 

Robbie's back with Sam in less than 2 minutes. He can see the tears on Sam's face and he suddenly wonders if this was a good idea. How can he...Robbie explain what's going on? Sam is too young to understand. All he knows is that he's trying to hug his Dad, and Dad isn't hugging him back. _Fuck, fuck I...I love you Sam...If I don't ma-I really hope you know that._ He can feel the tears spilling out of his eyes. Sam frowns next to him and tries to wipe them way with the comfort blanket. He wants nothing more than to be able to reach out to his son.

 

Innocent arrives and says his name straight away. He wants to shout out to her that he's not dead, it must look like he's been shot or something. But he can't.

“He can't move ma'am, those bastards injected him with something, s'paralysed him.”

“What? Good god, have you called the-”

“Yes. Ma'am...can you grab a cushion off the sofa please.” She does so and Robbie puts it under his head, and rubs a thumb across James' cheek.

“Gonna be alright Jim. Don't worry, you're...you're going to be fine son.” Its the use of the word son that gets him. It occurs to him that when he was in trouble, he brought his own little boy to the one man who acted like a father to him. The tears of panic and pure emotion spill again and he can do nothing to stop them.

 

Robbie's eyes are wet as well and that's when James realises that breathing has become really quite tricky. Either Lewis can tell from his chest or the fear that his eyes must be showing because he immediately jumps into action.

“James, James you've got to keep calm for me ok lad? Panicking will only make everything worse. Just stay calm as you can and keep breathing for me. Can you do that lad? Just keep breathing."

Sam is crying quietly nearby and James wants to hug him, to hold him and tell him its ok.

 

The ambulance arrives and James is loaded onto a stretcher. They need space to work and Lewis and Sam are shoved gently out of the way. Sam is standing there, sniffling, clinging onto Robbie's hand. Lewis knows that its only a matter of time before Sam realises what's happening and starts to ask questions that Lewis isn't sure he can answer.

 

Robbie's eyes widen as the paramedic produces a manual ventilation bag out of nowhere and starts to fix it to Hathaway's oxygen mask. Innocent sees this and immediately talks to him.

"Robbie?"

"J-Jean..." Its all catching up with him, she can see that, and if it was anybody other than Robbie Lewis, she'd be hesitant about leaving the child in his care. "What are they...?"

"His diaphragm Lewis," she says quietly. "He can't breathe...Don't worry, I'm going to go with him."

"Don't leave him Jean." She touches him gently on the arm.

"I won't...not till he's safe." she says as she walks back to the stretcher. It occurs to her that she doesn't know what she means by 'safe'. When James is asleep? When he has recovered? She knows he's never going to be truly safe, and she can't stick next to him forever. She decides that 'safe' is when Robbie and Sam can come and see him.

She gently put a hand on James head, rubbing her thumb along his temple as behind her, Sam starts screaming for his Dad and she can see the pain in his eyes as the boy's screams tear him apart.

"Robbie's got him James...He's ok, Robbie's got him." The look in his eyes tells her that she is talking rubbish, Sam isn't ok and he won't be until James is with him. If he could, he'd be shouting at her now, in a way that he never had as a sergeant. She knows it and she doesn't care. At this moment in time, she'd give anything to have the younger man be able to shout and scream and rage.

 

Anything would be better than what he's going through now.

 

******************************************

 

The ambulance starts to whisk James off to hospital and Lewis stands dumbly watching the stretcher go. Sam was quiet until it was just by the living room door and then he tried to run towards is, the realisation that the green clothed ambulance men were taking his father away hitting him. Lewis caught him and held him back, gritting his teeth against the struggling, shouting toddler and the emotions that were threatening to choke him.

"DAADDDDY" Sam was screaming at the top of his lungs. Robbie kept his grip firm, stoically taking every little punch and inadvertent kick that came his way. As the stretcher turned into the hallway, he could see Innocent trying to comfort James and he realised what Sam's screams would be doing to his immobile ex-sergeant.

"Sssh Sammy boy, Daddy will be ok."

"Get off me!" Sam shouts and Lewis almost loses his grip as he is swamped with memories of a burning building and a different, older Hathaway struggling against him.

"WANT TO GO WITH DADDY!"

"I know lad, but the doctors need to see him in the hospital." There is nothing else he could say- how do you explain to a four year old that his Dad can't breathe, can't even move? His words do nothing to placate the little boy and Sam's anger eventually gives way to frightened tears as he tires himself out. Robbie holds him, much like James did that first night they arrived at his house and he tries to comfort the child as he cries himself into an exhausted sleep.

When Robbie feels like he can move again without falling apart, he gently sits on the sofa, Sam still cradled in his arms and pulls the discarded comfort blanket over them both. He can't help but feel that it seems futile considering what could be happening to the boys father right now.

 

************************************************

 

He's still awake and alert in the ambulance. Somewhere between Robbie's hallway and the ambulance, his eyelids have dropped further. Jean can see his eyes moving under the half closed lids. She smiles at him and his eyes linger on her for a short time before flicking towards the paramedic sat there who is sat there pumping the air into his lungs. He smiles at James too and tells him not to worry;

"I'm good at this Mr Hathaway, really" James' eyes snap back to her, and this time they don't move. She's the only thing that is normal to him right now and he's looking at her with longing. _Make this stop._

All she can do is grasp his hand and try to ignore that fact that he can't curl his fingers the two centimetres needed to return the gesture. That and talk to him. He tries to talk first, despite the fact that he must have tried to talk to Robbie, that he must know he can't.

"Sssh, don't try and speak James. Sam is with Robbie, they are both ok. You're going to be ok. You're in brilliant hands." His eyes flick to where she is still holding his and she smiles. "I meant the medics James." She can see the fear in his eyes and the tears that are threatening.

"James, don't...it'll all be ok." She doesn't say 'I promise'. She can't promise and while there's even a chance that he won't make it, that her voice could be the last thing he hears, she won't let it be a lie.

 

The paramedic motions at her to move up so they can get the stretcher out and she sees that they are at the hospital. Reluctantly, she lets go of him, letting the medics wheel him through the A&E doors and trusts that he's in the best place he can be.

 

********************************************

 

Jean is holding his hand again, when James starts to show signs of life. She's about to start trying to talk to him when she realises that he's choking. Or that's what it sounds like. He's fighting the ventilator and while that should make her happy – James can breathe on his own, the drug is wearing off – its filling her with fear. Because even if he can breathe on his own, he _isn't_. She mashes the panic button by the bed and a team of doctors and nurses rush in.

Jean explains what happened in a shaky voice as the doctors fiddle with the machine by the bed. She can hear the snatches of speech from the medical personnel.

_"Its no good, he won't stop fighting it."_

_"Mr Hathaway? Relax, please try to let the machine breathe for you."_

_"He's not listening doctor."_

_"Yes nurse, I can see that. He needs oxygen, prepare a mask...get a bag too, we might need to support respiration again."_

A nurse starts to pull the endotracheal tube from his throat and he heaves, coughing. His hand wrenches away from Jean's as he bucks against the actions of the doctors.

_"He's panicking. Hyperventilating, cardiac out put is high. More sedation please, we need him calm."_

Jean watches in despair as they attach a ventilation bag to the mask on his face for the second time in 4 hours. _Dammit James, just listen to them for God's sake.._ The doctors inject him with a little bit more sedative, in an attempt to calm him enough to breathe. He slowly relaxes back into sleep and after 10 minutes, the nurse tentatively stops pumping air into his lungs. When he continues to breathe, she smiles and removes the oxygen mask.

 

Jean takes a moment to phone Lewis and let him know what's going on. She can only guess that the old man is worried to the point of distraction, and that without the fact that he's looking after Sam

"Robbie?"

Jean! What's the? Any news?"

"They've put him on a respirator to combat the paralysis of his diaphragm."

"Shit" he breathes, "What else have they said?"

"They think he'll be ok eventually. He's sedated at the moment, he was panicking too much. This drug carries a high risk of cardiac arrest apparently, they didn't want to take any chances"

"So he's going to be ok?"

"They seem to think so."

"Thank god. Thank you for letting me know Jean. I was..."

"I know Robbie. Get some sleep eh? I'll keep you posted.

"Thanks" he says again, relief sweeping through him.

 

*******************************************

 

10 minutes later and she's back at Hathaway's bedside.

"James, you better not do that again. I-I can't be the one to tell your son that you're not coming home."

Jean doesn't know what made her say that, what made her start talking to him now. But say it she does. Because its the truth. She can't be the person that has to tell Sam that his father has died. And she definitely can't be there when Lewis hears. She not a weak woman, not by any means, you don't get to be chief constable if you are...but she knows that she won't be able to take the look on Robbie Lewis' face if she has to tell him James Hathaway is dead.

 

She is jolted from these morbid thoughts by James himself. She watches in fascination as his fingers slowly curl around her hand. He's waking up and this time, he doesn't seem to be panicking quite so much. He shifts in the bed and winces and she remembers the doctors mentioning a dislocated knee. Just when she thinks that the drama and worry is almost over though; trust James to bring a whole new level of feeling to the situation.

"Chris?" he mumbles the question and it takes all Jean' reserve not to play along, to give him that couple of minutes of happiness. But she doesn't. It'll only hurt him more when he becomes alert enough to realise that she isn't his dead wife.

"No, James its Jean."

"Jean?"

"Yes. Come on James its ok." She hates seeing him like this, young looking and vulnerable. He suddenly snaps his eyes open and tries to jerk upright, moaning in pain as he jolts his damaged knee. James grips her hand tightly as he breathes deeply against the nausea and pain that his actions have created.

"S...S-Sam?" he eventually gasps out, as he falls back onto the pillows.

"He's safe, both he and Lewis are safe James." The younger man nods and relaxes his grip on her hand so its less bone-crushing.

"I-I heard him screaming for me..I never...I don't want to hear that again as long as I live."

He looks away, embarrassed at his shaking voice.

"Sssh, you're ok now James. Well apart from a dislocated knee anyway. Robbie says that you can stay with him as long as you need to."

"I couldn't, I've caused him enough trouble already."

"James, get it into that thick skull of yours that Lewis doesn't mind. You've always been almost a surrogate son to him, he missed you when you left for London and dropped out of touch you know." He looks suitably chastened and she takes pity on him.

"And besides, he said he expected you to say that and to remind you how hard it'll be looking after a very energetic four-year-old whilst using crutches." James chuckles at this.

"Hmm, he has a point." Jean smiles warmly at him, its clear that he's on the mend and that the drug has worn off, especially from the way he keeps shifting about, as if to test that all of him is now working as it should.

"I..." he begins and then seems to think better of it.

"What?"

"I just...the ambulance...thank you. I was...being not able to move, its well, pretty bloody scary and you made it easier Jean."

"It was nothing James, you'd have done the same."

"Maybe...but being able to see a friendly face, to see _you_ , when they were pumping air into my lungs for me...You kept me calm" She looks at him skeptically.

"Calm? If that was supposed to be calm James, you weren't fooling anyone."

"Do you know what it feels like to watch someone breathing for you? Its..its fucking scary...I-I would have freaked out if there had been no one there...I......thank you." Jean looks down at the floor, deeply touched by his gratitude. His eyes close of their own accord and she can see the effort its been taking him to keep them open. Despite all his attempts to look fine, she knows that his knee must be hurting him and that he's going to feel weak for the next few days. And despite what he says, he's going to need Robbie's help.

 

She waits until he's asleep before she makes a move to go. When he does succumb to sleep, there's a slight smile on his face and his breathing is calm and relaxed. He looks safe. And with that realisation, she leaves.

 

Once she is home, she texts Robbie to tell him James is ok and that he can visit tomorrow.

 

******************************************

 

Its the next morning and James opened his eyes slowly, he was still tired and his leg was throbbing. Once he managed to focus properly, he saw Robbie stood by his bedside. Robbie has talked to the doctors and he informs James that they'll pick him up and take him home tomorrow

"How're you feeling James?" James turned his head and saw a mop of blond hair poking over the bed rail. Little jolts to the bed told him that his son was trying to climb up. Eventually Robbie smiled and took pity on the child, picking him up so he could see.

"Daddy!" Sam squealed, stretching towards the bed. "Wanna sit with Daddy, Unca Robbie." James grins and give the inspector his answer.

"Better now."

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

James had phoned at half past three that same afternoon to tell Lewis, that since he'd managed to eat and keep it down, they'd let him go home, as long as there was someone to pick him up. Lewis had assured Hathaway that he and Sam would come and get him in an hour. And how was he feeling? How was his knee?

 

Knowing that Lewis would see for himself in an hour, he didn't lie, there wasn't any point. He answered Lewis truthfully. "My knee hurts like hell. Doctors said I might feel weak for a few days, bastard gave me a pretty high dose." he sighed. "Chest bloody hurts as well, something to do with thrashing around while they were trying to make me breathe." Lewis had sympathised with him asking if he wanted anything other than a change of clothes.

"Just bring Sammy."

 

Sure enough, an hour later, Robbie and Sam we're stood in Hathaway's room, waiting for the doctors to give him the official green light to go home. James initially refused the loan of a wheelchair, opting for crutches instead. The nurse tried to tell him that he could have both, that he would probably need both.

"That dislocation was quite severe Mr Hathaway. Due to you being paralysed, the knee didn't relocate itself straight away like they often do. It's going to hurt. And you're going to feel weak for a few days. Crutches alone are going to be tough. It is a little too optimistic to be expecting your arms to bare even your little amount of weight, you're going to need to sit down."

Lewis could see James battling with his pride. An idea was forming in his mind and if it came to fruition, he was pretty sure James would be grateful for the wheelchair. Between them, the nurse and the ex inspector managed to convince James that the wheelchair was a good idea.

 

15 minutes later (with strict instructions for James to keep weight of his left leg and to return to the hospital immediately if he lost sensation in it) the three of them were walking out of the hospital. Robbie was pushing the folded wheelchair towards the car as Hathaway started to get used to his crutches. Lewis managed to keep Sam occupied by enlisting him to help push the chair. He could see that James was struggling a little, the weakness that he had shrugged off, obviously being more prominent than he thought it would be. Still, James refused to use the wheelchair.

"I don't need the bloody thing" he muttered with a wince.

"Your pride's going to kill you one day lad." James just set his expression firmer.

"You do realise how serious this injury is don't you son? I mean you screw this recovery up and you're putting up with pain and restricted mobility for the rest of your life." James looks at his son, happily pushing the side of the chair.

"Small price to pay for him Robbie." Robbie smiles slightly, resigned to his warnings falling on deaf ears. He should have known. He'd have been the same had their positions been reversed.

 

It takes a little while to get James into the car, due to him forgetting that he can't move his knee. And then remembering suddenly and painfully. The wheelchair gets stowed in the boot, and the crutches are left in the back with Sam, who is told not to move them.

 

Sam is on his best behaviour after Robbie explained the situation before they left for the hospital.

"We going'a get Daddy?"

"Aye. But you've got to be good ok kidda. Your Dad hurt his leg yesterday and he's going to find it hard to walk for a while."

"Did Daddy hurted his leg? Or did the bad men hurted his leg?" Lewis doesn't know how much he should tell the little boy, but then decided that James would probably tell him the truth.

"The bad men hurt your Daddy's leg."

"But they in a prison now?"

"Yeah. They're locked up." Sam nods and Robbie knows that he was right not to attempt to explain the laws of custody and holding cells. He continues; "Dad's also going to be tired for a few days ok? So you have to be calm around him, no asking him to play football or anything. "

"Is he tired cos the bad men made him so he wasn't moving?" Robbie is slightly taken aback by how much the little boy seems to understand what happened the previous night. But he covers it well.

"Yeah. And it really scared him. So you give him a big hug when we get home eh?" Sam nods happily and they get in the car.

So far, Sam's doing very well. He'd been a bit overexcited when they'd first seen James; babbling questions about crutches and what was that thing around Daddy's knee for? He'd been fascinated by the bruise around James left eye (hhe second one in as many weeks) that he got when he'd fought with Harper's father. But the young nurse had explained everything to him patiently and after he understood, Sam quietened considerably.

 

The car journey was uneventful. James spent much of it in silence, although he did comment on how glad he was to get out of the hospital. His face was grey and Robbie thought that the hospital was a bit premature to let him out. But he also knew that James had probably underplayed how he felt, just so that they let him leave. Lewis was determined to make the man rest. He'd be no good to Sam if he wore himself out.

 

They get into the house and James collapses gratefully onto the sofa. With his eyes closed, he doesn't notice Sam make Lewis bend down so he can whisper in the older man's ear. He also misses Robbie's nod.

 

The next thing he knows, Sam has climbed onto the sofa and he is standing on it so that his head is just about level with James' own.

"What are you up to eh?", James says, eyes still closed. There's no answer except for two little arms wrapping themselves around his neck and a little blond head on his shoulder. Robbie watches as a warm smile spreads across James face and he hugs his son back.

"Cheers little man. I needed that. "

"Unca Robbie said to wait to you be sitting down other wise you'd fall an' break your arm or things." James looks up at Robbie and smiles at him, trust Lewis to know exactly what he needed.

"Wise man is your uncle Robbie."

It's Lewis' turn to smile warmly.

 

Lewis waits until the evening until he sets his plan in motion. James is comfortably settled on the sofa, painkillers taken and they've all eaten copious amounts of takeaway pizza. Sam has fallen asleep curled into Hathaway's side.

"When's the last time you took the bairn to the seaside?" James has the good grace to look guilty.

"Er...I haven't."

"Sam's never been to the sea?"

"When I was ...I was the new boy wasn't ?. Just an inspector. Fresh into the Met...I was covering shifts and being put on the donkey jobs from the beginning. " Lewis nodded in understanding. He did more than his fair share of donkey work when he was with Morse.

"And then after Chrissy was...well I was focussing more on getting up in the morning to make him breakfast than I was on day trips." James cocked his head.

"Why d'you ask?"

"Lyns partner is at a 4 day conference, I think she's feeling a bit lonely. Suggested that I went up to Manchester for a bit."

"I'm sorry. If we're in the way we can-"

"Don't be ridiculous Jim. I can't leave you to look after the lad with your knee like that. Nah, I reminded her that you were here, and she instantly suggested a trip to the seaside. Figured that we could do with a break from this house." Lewis paused, watching James carefully.

"I didn't want to agree till I'd asked you. I was gonna suggest something similar anyway" James smiled.

"Sounds great. Sammy'll love it."

"I'll tell her to book a B&B or something then eh? We can wait a couple of days if you want, wait for your muscles to strengthen up a bit"

"Nah", James waved his hand dismissively, "Sea air do the trick I reckon."

"That's sorted then, I'll go and call our Lyn. She's stayed up in Norfolk before, little place called 'Holcambe bay' or something. Raves about it. Anyway she knows a good place to stay"

"Nice. Cheers Robbie"

"Away man, s'all Lyns idea."

"I mean for everything."

"Leave it out kidda. You'd have done the same." Robbie gets up and phones Lyn. She's delighted at the prospect of the seaside outing and says she can get them somewhere for two days time. Robbie agrees readily. A holiday is just what they all need after the last week and a bit.

 

When he gets back into the living room, Hathaway has fallen asleep on the sofa, bad leg half off, arm folded across his chest. First, Robbie lifts a sleepy Sam off the sofa and takes him upstairs, getting him ready for bed. It isn't hard since the boy is half asleep and lets Lewis change him and tuck him in with no fuss. He makes sure to settle Sam on the left side of the bed this time, just to ensure he won't accidentally catch James injured leg while they sleep. Next Lewis heads downstairs, grabbing the crutches from the hall on the way. He gently shakes James awake, making sure to be ready to stop the younger man from jerking his leg too hard.

"Wha?"

"Bed, son. You can't sleep down here, it won't just be your knee that hurts in the morning if you do. Come on, Sam's already in bed." James nods sleepily and starts to sit up. He winces and Lewis hands him a crutch, which he slowly levers himself up with. Robbie gives him the other one and he stands properly. After a minute though, he swears softly and Lewis turns to see his arms shaking as he holds himself up.

"Bugger!" James mumbles. Robbie puts an arm round James waist, making sure to support the left side since that's the leg he can't use. He has a horrible feeling that if he'd been much longer about grabbing the lad, James would have fallen.

"They did say you'd feel weak lad. it's only going to be for a little while. Away, let's get you upstairs."

They make their way slowly upstairs, Robbie acting like a second crutch. Although he suspects that he's holding on to James a lot more than James as actually managing to hold onto him. The lad seriously underestimated (or more likely ignored) just how much his muscles were going to let him down. It doesn't help of course, that he's tired and he's recently taken heavy painkillers.

 

Once Lewis has helped him to sit on the bed, he manages to swing himself on without too much pain. He utters a quiet and tired thank you to Lewis and within minutes, James is fast asleep.

 

When Lewis eventually goes to bed, sleep doesn't come easily to him. There's some small part of him that is convinced that something bad is going to happen. He listens out for any sign of trouble from he spare room, as long as he can, before he succumbs to sleep.

 

**********************************************************

 

The next morning, James feels a lot stronger and he's already awake when Lewis gets up to check on him and Sam.

"Morning James", he says as he walks past the room and sees James sat up in bed.

"Morning Robbie". There is a muffled sound from the duvet on the floor an Lewis looks down in confusion.

"Ah, that. He's building a cave apparently. I think he meant 'Good Morning'. "

"Right. How're you feeling this morning mate?"

"Better. Definitely not as shaky as yesterday."

"That's good. You fancy some breakfast then?" he crouches down to the duvet bundle on the floor. "Does the caveman want bacon?"

"Yeah!"

"Well we never discovered bacon in a cave. Come downstairs and help me cook some up" Sam scrambles eagerly out of his duvet cave and runs out of the room after the older man. James hears hushed conversation and then Sam runs back in again, grabbing hold of James crutches from the other end of the room and drags them over to his Dad.

"Thanks Sammy" he says ruffling the little boys hair.

"Cheers" he shouts after Lewis, knowing that the older man had told the boy to help him.

"No problem" Lewis shouts back and James grins.

 

Hathaway gets dressed with some considerable difficulty and he is panting slightly as he pulls the T-shirt over his head while balancing on his right leg. Clothes on, he settles into the crutches and leaves the room. He makes his way slowly down the stairs, grateful that so far, his arms seem to be taking the weight ok.

 

Suddenly this trip doesn't seem like such a good idea. He's going to be a liability. The others are going to have to watch out for him and he thinks thats unfair. Its supposed to be a break for them as much as him, and he would bet that Robbie needs it. He's mulling it over as he reaches the bottom step. He rests a while against the wall at the bottom, just as Robbie and Sam come into the room with a plate of bacon and a small plate piled high with toast.

"Okay?" Robbie asks, concern on his features. James nods.

"Yeah, just...stairs" he says, breathing deeply.

"Go and sit on the sofa lad." Hathaway shakes his head, making his way to the dining table.

 

He's starting to think that the wheelchair was an ok idea after all, the crutches are proving to be something of a nuisance. They point blank refuse to be stood up against a surface. Which would be ok, if he could get down to pick them up. They clatter to the floor again and he swears under his breath. Lewis goes to pick them up and James stops him.

"Let me. I've gotta get the hang of it anyhow." Lewis watches as James reaches down to the fallen crutches. He grips the table tightly with one hand and Robbie can see the strain as the veins in his arm show up. However, it does put Lewis at ease a little. He knows that James isn't lying about feeling stronger today, there's no way he'd have been able to do this yesterday.

 

They finish eating and James notices that Sam is being very quiet. The little boy looks glum and he's fiddling with a bit of bacon that's left on his plate with his fork.

"Hey little man, what's up?" Sam looks up at him.

"Now your leg is hurted, does that mean I not allowed to sit on your lap."

"Course not. Just means we gotta do it different." He gets up, tapping Sam on the head as he swings past.

"Come on, we'll find out how".

 

After a little bit of experimentation, they find a way that Sam can sit on James' lap without causing excruciating pain and the young boy perks up considerably. He sits on the floor, playing with his cars, and occasionally interrupting James' rest or Robbie's reading in order to get them hide the bad guys car from the police.

James is busily helping a gang of bank robbers evade capture from Constable Sam when Sam employs another police car from his little pile and crashes it into the robbers car, narrowly missing James' finger in the process.

"You can't do that!"

"Can. Maked them stop and now they going prison."

"Yeah but policemen aren't allowed to cause crashes, they'll get sacked Sam." Sam frowns and shakes his head.

"The boss won't mind because they robbers are bad men an' now they get the money back." Robbie chuckles and James has to fight back a grin. He gives up trying to work out Sam's logic and sits back, smiling. Robbie grins and looks over at him.

"We weren't always by the book Jim."

"...Course we were."

"If I remember correctly, you nicked a CD from that music blokes room. And I went to a bloody dinner party with a suspect."

"Oh yeah. We weren't all that clean were we? But we never caused a car crash."

"...Er."

"When? When did we cause a car crash?"

"When we stopped that dealer on Peterson's drugs raid, you blocked him off."

"That was fully justified, he elbowed you in the face."

"Yeah, but that was after you crashed your car into him."

"I was being pre-emptive. Boss didn't mind though...Maybe the boy is onto something here." They continue to watch Sam playing, and eventually, the robbers make a break for the stair case and the kid follows them out. Robbie looks after him and murmurs;

"Did Jean tell you how the back up came to be at the house?"

"No...well maybe, there was a few times when she was talking to me but I was freaking out too much to listen, something about telling Sam I was dead. I'm not sure, I was sedated wasn't I?" That last bit was more of a question than a statement. Lewis heard the uncertainty in James' voice.

"Yeah. They thought you were gonna have a heart attack or something..." Lewis doesn't mention how close he came to having the same when Jean had told him of that particular risk.

"Jean said, I asked her, she said that Sam called the police. They couldn't work out what he was on about at first, but o'course Innocent knew the situation. Apparently Sammy told her that he could hear you and Harper shouting. She dispatched them when he said he hadn't heard me speak yet. I guess that's why she asked for you when she walked in, probably thought I'd been shot."

"Bet seeing me motionless on the floor came as a bit of a shock then."

"Yeah. Bit of a shock to everyone. 'Specially Sammy. "

"He saved our lives didn't he Robbie?"

"Aye. He's a smashing kid James."

"The best." Robbie smiles. "Lyn said she's booked a B&B for three days, starting tomorrow. We can't check in till 6pm though. So we can take a leisurely drive down, don't have to start too early."

"Brilliant. Where are we going?"

"South Devon...Torquay I think. Lyn said there's some lovely beaches there. She and Tim took Eddie a few years back. Couple of lovely quiet ones."

"Sounds like heaven."

"Aye, thought you'd like the sound of that."

 

Sam comes running back into the room and James flinches involuntarily as he runs past. Lewis sees it and he knows that James' knee must really hurt, it'd take a lot to make James shrink away from his son. Sam doesn't notice though, and he climbs up onto the sofa and carefully sits on James' lap in the position that he'd discovered earlier, tongue sticking out of his mouth as he concentrates on getting it right. He then grabs his comfort blanket from where its been dumped next to James hand, and gently lays it on Hathaway's left leg.

"Make it better." James squeezes Sam with one arm as he grins.

"Ah, thanks kid."

"S'gonna take time though Daddy. Not putting weight on it ok. And go to hostipal if you lose 'ensation. You have to p'omise!" Robbie and James both grin, both at the fact that Sam is lecturing James and the mispronunciation of the hospital nurses words.

"I promise Dr Hathaway." James says solemnly, and Sam nods, satisfied that his patient has been listening to him.

 

They pass most of the day just relaxing. Robbie has found some felt tip pens and paper and so Sam is busily drawing at the kitchen table. After lunch, both of the adults pack some clothes and things for the trip in the morning. They get it done fairly quickly, they're only going for a few days after all. Lewis has to help James a little since, he can't move around all that quickly. They head downstairs and Lewis starts to talk.

"Lyn's going to drive down tomorrow, should get here about noon. We'll have lunch and then head off at about three. Should get there somewhere between half six and seven."

"Great. Looking forward to it. I haven't been to the seaside in ages." Lewis grins at the smile in James' eyes.

"Get away with you, you big kid."

"Ah come on, you're the same." Lewis contemplates this for a moment.

"Aye, aye I don't deny it. I should probably get started on dinner."

 

Hathaway manages to help with the cooking, providing he sits down while he's chopping various vegetables. He tries to stand and chop peppers, but he nearly falls over with the effort of balancing on one leg. Soon enough though, they cook the stir fry up and they all sit down to eat. Sam is a bit put out at having to stop drawing, but he soon comes round when the plate of food is put in front of him.

 

Dinner finished, they all sit and watch TV together, Sam sat in between James and Robbie. The little boy soon succumbs to sleep, curled into James side. His comfort blanket is pulled right up to his nose and spreads over Robbie's thigh. Robbie picks him up and puts him to bed, aware that James can't manage his crutches and carry a child. James follows him up with the intention of putting Sam to bed, but one look at him and Lewis tells him to sleep too. While its clear that James is much stronger today and has all but recovered from the effects of the drug (if not his knee), he's still exhausted, mentally and physically. He doesn't protest against Lewis' almost order and after some painful moments when trying to get his pyjama's on, he's in bed and almost asleep before Robbie comes to say good night and leave Sammy a glass of water.

 

But Lewis knows its too good to be true. If he's perfectly honest with himself, Robbie's been expecting it. He knows straight away that the lump on his bed is Sam. He'd heard Hathaway's hoarse screams start a minute before. But he'd left it for a little while, hoping that James' dream would sort its self out. He regrets that, as soon as he feels Sam's hand on his arm. Its not fair to have left the boy there.

They go into the bedroom and Lewis knows this is a bad one, worse than the previous nightmares that he's had while he's been staying. Once again, Sam is stood a small distance from the bed, shaking a little as he watches his Dad squirm around. Lewis holds him down, aware that he's going to damage his knee even more. James is muttering, and Robbie realises that he's pleading with whoever it is in his dream that's confronting him. Although he has a good idea who it is.

"Leave him...Please!...bastard...Sam's nothing to do... get your hands off...fucking bastard!" His eyes snap open as Robbie shakes him gently. Robbie smiles at him, but Hathaway appears not to see. Instead, his eyes widen and absolute terror fills them.

"I can't...I can't move Robbie...Shit!...Robbie I can't fucking move." Lewis frowns, _doesn't James realise that he's squeezing my hand, that his head is thrashing about?_ He realises that the lad is in a state of utter confusion and most likely not fully awake yet. He is also drenched in sweat.

"Kidda...you can move. James you  _are_ moving! Come on lad, you're ok. It was a nightmare." He keeps up this gentle litany of words, repeating them and saying James name in an attempt to get through to the younger man. It takes a good five minutes, but eventually James calms. Robbie knows that he's going to be alright, when he looks sheepish. 

"Sorry. I didn't...didn't mean to wake you up"

"Are you ok?" Lewis cuts in, he doesn't care about being woken up, why does James never see that? More to the point, why does James always see himself as an inconvenience? Slowly, James shakes his head.

"Er...n-no."

"Do you want to talk about it kidda?" James looks over at Sam, beckoning at him to come back onto the bed. Sam is hesitant, more so than last time. Hathaway shakes his head again.  
"In the morning sir. Not now, not with Sam about." Lewis nods, but he is determined that they will talk about this in the morning.

"Aye, if you want it that way lad, not in front of the bairn. He gives Sam a hug, pats James on the shoulder and bids them good night. Robbie can hear them murmuring and he knows that Hathaway is trying to reassure Sam that he is ok.

He keeps an ear out for the next hour and a half, and it comes as a genuine surprise when James stays quiet.

 

Robbie finally sleeps, deeply and dream free.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Robbie is surprised to see James is already dressed and downstairs when he heads down in the morning. The younger man is trying to cook eggs and bacon and Lewis firmly takes the pan off him.

"Holding a pan full of boiling oil when you can only stand on one leg, and even _that_ is a challenge...is generally considered pretty stupid." James gives him a withering glance but he does sit down at the table.

"You didn't have another dream last night then?" James shakes his head tiredly.

"Nah, only the one." Lewis nods, then a thought hits him.

"James...you did sleep didn't you?" Hathaway hesitates and can't quite meet his eye.

"Y'idiot. Why not?"

"Seems like if I sleep, then you and Sam don't." He says quietly.

"So what, you're just not going to sleep? James, you're going to be here for a while yet you know. You just not planning to sleep at all?" Robbie knows that he's being slightly aggressive but he needs James to realise how foolish what he just implied was. After all, it can take anything from 6-16 weeks to recover from a dislocated knee, and with a young boy, James'll need to stay with him for at least the next two or three, Robbie isn't letting him leave until he knows that he can cope anyway.

"Done it before, often" James mumbles. "How much do you think I slept when I was your sergeant?"

"Not enough, and I told you off then as well."

 

It was that case about that ridiculous 'Snark' book that had alerted the inspector to exactly how badly James was looking after himself. That time in the morgue, half tuned into James and Laura's conversation.

_"Cigarettes and alcohol, for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He didn't do thinks by halves did he?"_

_"There speaks the voice of experience."_

_"Whatever gets you through"_

He'd heard it and replied 'not a happy man'. He'd filed it away, but it wasn't until later on in the case that he actually had a chance to try and make James think about his lifestyle.

_"Honestly man, give yourself a break."_

_"Yes Mum."_

_"No I mean it. Less work, more sleep."_ And then of course he'd covered up his concern with a snipe at James' intellect. Which probably didn't help.

 

His memories are scattered by James' admission.  
"Robbie, I've been having nightmares like this since I was seven years old...I've become quite good at doing without sleep."

"Don't be ridiculous man. You need to sleep Jim. You're going to get over tired and fall over those crutches or something, and then you won't have a choice about the wheelchair. For God's sake man, you can't look after a four year old on an hours sleep a night." _Bloody hell, 36 years of mostly interrupted sleep. How the hell has he done it?_

"Managed it with a three year old." James retorts. Lewis sighs for a second time, he should have guessed.

"You need to see someone about it." James glares at him, but Lewis continues unfazed. "Last night was worse than the others wasn't it?" Hathaway nods slightly and the glare is gone, replaced by what Lewis can only describe as youth.

"Yeah. Normally its all over when I wake up. I've never got...stuck in it like that before." Robbie knows that he's referring to thinking that he couldn't move, which no doubt terrified him after his ordeal the day before.

"You need to see someone", Robbie reiterates. "What was the one last night about?"

"I don't want to talk-"

"-Aye, I know you don't bonny lad. But I'm mostly convinced that it'll help."

"Mostly convinced is slightly unconvinced" mumbles James, but the weak reference goes straight over Robbie's head. He sees Lewis' determined look and starts to recount the dream.

 

When he's finished, Lewis gives a low whistle.

"Well, I can see why you didn't want to go back to sleep."

"No, after dreaming about the death of my son, I wasn't all that keen." Hathaway's tone is sarcastic, but before he finishes the sentence, he's already got an apologetic look on his face.

"Can we stop talking about it now please Robbie?" He sounds like a kid and Lewis gives him a sad smile.

"Aye, course we can. How about you go get Sam up eh? Lyn'll be here in a few hours." James nods gratefully and levers himself up. Lewis watches to make sure that he gets up the stairs safely.

 

*******************************************************

 

"Come on Sammy boy."

"Go 'way."

"Hey. What's wrong?" James can see that Sam has been crying and he can think of nothing that could have caused it.

"I sorry."

"Sorry for what? Sam?" James gingerly lowers himself down onto the bed, pulling the little boy close to him. Sam keeps crying and James turns his son's head so that they are looking at each other. "Come on little man, why the tears eh?"

Eventually, James gleans from Sam that the little boy thinks that Hathaway's nightmares are his fault.

"No kid. Dad's been having nightmares since way before you were born. Since he was only a little bit older than you. Its definitely not your fault."

"But you always saying my name an' then when Unca Robbie wakes you up, then you crying." James smiles.

"I say your name because you're in my dream Sam. But sometimes, the dreams aren't nice, and bad things happen in them. I don't want anything to happen to you because I love you. But you must never think that its your fault when Dad has a bad dream." Sam nods and smiles a little. Then a thoughtful expression crosses his face.

"Does Unca Robbie have bad dreams?"

"Everyone does Sammy. Now come on, we'll dry your face and get ready for Lyn and Eddie eh?"

"Who's Lyn?"

"Uncle Robbie's daughter. And Eddie is Lyn's son."

"Unca Robbie isn't a Daddy. He's an Unca." James smiles, he's not really sure how to explain this without telling Sam that Lewis isn't really his uncle. Thankfully, Robbie chooses that moment to shout that breakfast is ready, and if they wait any longer, it'll burn. Sam needs no second bidding, he races out of the room. When James eventually gets out of the room, he sees Sam waiting for him at the top of the stairs. The little boy makes sure that he is always on the same step as James as they descend the stairs; 'A'case your mussis stop an' I gotta catch you'. Once James realises that Sam means 'muscles', he grins and thanks the little boy. He doesn't point out that if Sam tried to catch him, they most likely both end up in Accident and Emergency.

 

*****************************************************************

 

Two hours later, and the five of them are sitting in Robbie's living room. Sam is clinging to James and he's not even talking to Lewis. He is however watching Eddie with awe. The adults are all talking as they eat lunch and its decided that they will set out soon after. There's a minor argument as Lyn refuses to let James sit in the back, since he needs the legroom and he won't be able to have his knee in the right position if he sits in the back. Hathaway tries to explain that he'll probably fall asleep and surely Lyn will want to catch up with her Dad. He loses, but insists that he will sit in the back on their return journey.

 

That settled, they load up the car. Or rather, James keeps the kids entertained while Lewis and Lyn load it up. Robbie caught him trying to carry his holdall down the stairs, and he was immediately sent to watch the kids with an 'honestly, that leg is never gonna get better if you keep being so bloody minded'. James can only grin though because they are on their way to the seaside and he doesn't think he's ever seen Sam so excited. He's throwing a tennis ball back and forth between the two boys and he is watching their relationship blossom. Sam seems awestruck by Robbie's grandson, as younger kids often are about their older peers. Eddie seems to be developing a brotherly feeling for Sam and he's keen to teach him things. Its a relief because if the kids hadn't got on, the trip would be a nightmare.

 

Robbie whistles and then its time to go. They all pile into the car and set off. The trip is mostly uneventful. At the end of Robbie's road, they hit a pothole, and James goes grey instantly. He doesn't make a sound but both Lyn and Lewis can see the way his posture stiffens, and his hand instinctively reaches towards his knee.

"Ok?" Lyn asks, as Robbie glances at him, before returning his eyes to the road ahead.

"Yeah." James replies to her but they can both hear that he is grinding the word out. After a few minutes though he recovers and is soon chatting to Lyn about life in Manchester and answering all of Sam's questions.

 

Once they get to within an hour of Torquay, James has fallen asleep. Robbie isn't surprised, after all the lad hadn't slept and he was still on strong painkillers.

 

********************************************************

 

Its just after 6pm when they get there. Almost as soon as they get out of the car, James' mobile rings. He fumbles to grab it from his pocket, glaring at the crutches that are attached to is upper arms. He finally sets his hands on it, falling back against the car as he presses 'answer'. Lewis come out of the B&B, to make sure he is ok, having seen him stumble against the car from the lounge window.

"Er, that could be tricky...see I'm in Torquay."

"Holiday, friend and his daughter and grandkid, and me and my boy."

"I know, I know I need to but, I just wanted a break. I promise I'll make an appointment as soon as I get back Doctor...Yeah, I'm my own worst enemy, I know. Sorry." He puts the phone down and turns, wilting under Lewis' stern expression.

"What was that all about, what Doctor?"

"Physiotherapist, I er...I was supposed to make an appointment."

"Ja-mes." Lewis says in exasperation.

"Before you say anything, they don't want me in for three weeks, it needs to all heal up first. I don't think that going on holiday was supposed to be on the treatment plan though."

"You idiot. By rights, I should drive you back to Oxford right now, and make you rest."

"I am resting, little cottage by the sea, what's more restful than that?" Lewis just rolls his eyes, there's no point trying to make James see sense, he's too bloody stubborn.

"Just go and get some sleep James. And I mean it. Try and get some sleep. We've all got twin rooms, so if you want Sam to come in with me, in case of nightmares, there's a bed in there for him."

"Thanks Robbie. I'll see how it goes tonight though."

"Right. The landlady says she can do us some sandwiches if you're hungry."

"I'm not, but Sam probably is. And I don't think that I'm supposed to have those painkillers on an empty stomach.

They head inside for tea, and within a hour, after some difficulty navigating a stair case almost narrower than James himself with crutches, everyone is in bed.

 

James wakes up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and shaking. A quick glance to his left reveals that he hasn't woken Sam up. There is no concerned text from Robbie either, so he can only surmise that he didn't scream this time. He sees it as an improvement and goes back to sleep.

 

********************************************************

 

They are up bright and early the next morning, sandwiches packed and car loaded with beach paraphernalia. Lewis sees James' grumpy look when the wheelchair joins everything else in the back. He ignores it, he was talking to Lyn the night before and she had told him, that she hadn't realised that James was injured as bad as he was. Lewis had forgotten to mention his knee when he'd explained what had happened.

_"Dad! Why didn't you say? The beach is..well access is tricky. Loads of steep steps. I suppose there's a busier one with ramps and stuff up the coast."_

_"Pet, he'll be fine, we'll take the chair. It'll be fine. Anyway, I think we'd all prefer a nice quiet almost empty beach to the tourist traps that your thinking of."_

_"I suppose, still, I feel bad now."_

_"James is a stubborn bugger Lyn, he'll relish the challenge like as not. And we get to prove to him that the chair was a good idea."_

He knows that James is going to need it, whether he likes it or not.

 

**********************************************************

 

Half an hour later, and they are all piling out of the car at the nearest car park to Watcombe beach. The kids have been assigned to bucket and spade duty and have their arms piled high with various beach toys. Lyn has the blankets and the food. Hathaway knows (to his irritation) that they won't give him anything to carry, which he has to concede is probably for the best (even more to his irritation) since he has proved that balancing is not one of his strong points. Neither is using crutches. However, its not like Lewis to leave the carrying to everyone else. Its then that he realises that the older man is lifting the wheelchair out of the boot.

"No way."

"The path is bloody steep, there are a load of steps at the bottom...and if you fall over, that knee is never going to get better. Not to mention that it will really hurt."

"I'll take it slow then." Lewis groans in exasperation, pointing at the wheelchair that he has unfolded.

"Jim, just sit in the sodding chair will you?" Hathaway glares at him, but he's aware that the older man is right.

"Fine...but you're not pushing it." Lewis holds his hands up in surrender as Hathaway lowers himself into it, passing the crutches to Robbie.

"As long as you get down to the beach without re-damaging your knee or killing yourself, then go for it." Once James is a little bit ahead, the irritation is gone from the inspectors face, and a smile replaces it.

"Told you Lyn, he's fine. Just needs his pride beaten down every now and then. Though God knows what he's got against wheelchairs."

 

Eddie and Sam turn at this point to see what's taking the adults so long. When it becomes clear that Lewis, Lyn and Hathaway are following, they head onwards. Eddie keeps a hand on Sam's shoulder to stop the four year old running too far ahead.

 

Lewis looks up to see James at the top of the steps. He goes to rush ahead and help, but Lyn's hand on his arm stops him from doing so.

"Dad, you got him to use the chair, let him get on with it."

"Those steps are steep Lyn pet."

"They're taller than Sam's legs and he's managing ok. Let James be Dad, he's not a bairn."

Lewis nods, and sure enough, James negotiates the steps pretty well, considering its the first time he's used the chair. He meets the kids at the bottom, and Lyn smiles as Eddie stands behind the chair and tries to push it through the sand, using all his weight. Sam copies the older boy, his little hands pushing at the backrest. James says something and the children stop, realising that they are in danger of pitching the chair, James and all, face first onto the sand.

Lewis catches up with them and hands the crutches to James who takes them gratefully and he stands up. Before Robbie gets a chance to fold the chair up, both the children climb onto it and grab one wheel rim each, tugging at them.. Eventually, Robbie takes pity on them and pushes them both towards a large rock, all the while explaining to Sam what the wheelchair is for and why his Dad needs it.

 

They day is beautiful and sunny. They spread the blankets out against a warm rock. Lewis is sat on a blanket, Lyn is trying to catch the kids to give them sunscreen. James is sat in the wheelchair. For all that he hates the thing, its easier to sit in it, than it is to try and get down on the floor.

Sam runs over to them and pulls on James' hand.

"Come on Daddy, Auntie Lyn taking us in'a sea." James looks at the water wistfully and smiles. Lewis knows exactly what that smile means, and exactly how pointless it'll be to try and talk James out of it.

"Lead on little man." Robbie watches them go, a fond smile on his face. Sam keeps running towards the sea and then stopping, and running back to James. He walks with him for a few metres, and then he gets excited all over again and runs off again.

James and Sam make it to the edge of the surf and Sam runs in headlong, crashing into Eddie and sending them both into the water. The happy shouts carry far and Robbie can hear Eddie trying to show Sam how to swim. James is hesitant though, Robbie can see it in the way he's standing. He shifts on the crutches and bows his head. Lewis can see the dark knee-brace creeping out from the bottom of his shorts. Its clear that James doesn't feel safe stood in even small waves, probably worried about getting pushed over, little tough the waves are. Sam and Eddie are having a whale of a time. Lyn walks over to James and takes his arm, pulling it so his arm is around her shoulders. Lewis watches him pull back slightly and Lyn gives another insistent tug. He relaxes a little and she puts her arm around his waist. With Lyn supporting him, James walks further into the sea and they both stand and watch the children.

When they all come back, Robbie sees that Lyn waits until they are well clear of the water before she removes her hand from James waist. He squeezes her shoulder as he lets go and Lewis gets a clear view of what Hathaway would be like if he had siblings. It also hasn't escaped his notice, that Lyn is looking more and more like Val every time he sees her. Not only that but she's acting like her as well. Helping James like that was pure Valerie Lewis. Its just the sort of thing that Val would have done. Its clear from the way that James is beaming that he appreciated the help greatly. A shadow falls over him And Lyn is suddenly stood there, as James settles back into the wheelchair.

"Dad, you ok?" He is puzzled, until he feels a wetness on his cheek. Ah.

"Aye I'm fine pet, Its this bloody wind, I got sand in me eye." Lyn smiles and goes to where Eddie is teaching Sam how to make sandcastles. However James notices.

"She's a lovely girl Robbie. You should be proud of her." He says quietly.

"I am Jim", He sighs, not totally unhappily. "She's getting to be so much like her Mum." James nods, leaning back a little and closing his eyes. Lewis thinks that he resembles a lizard basking in the sun.

"I think I better get the food out eh?"

 

By the time all of the food is laid out on the blanket, and the kids have been rounded up, James has fallen asleep. Lyn goes to wake him and now it's Robbie's turn to put a hand on her arm.

"Let him sleep, he hasn't been doing enough of that. We'll save him some food eh?" Lyn nods, and puts some aside on a paper plate while Lewis explains about James' nightmares.

"Has he seen anyone about it?" Lewis raises an eyebrow.

"What do you think pet? He didn't even want to use the wheelchair, he's hardly going to admit to someone, or himself for that matter, that his own mind is keeping him awake." Lyn nods and passes Eddie another sandwich.

"When's Daddy gonna eat?"

"When he wakes up Sam. How about, when he does, you give him this food yeah?" Lewis says, pointing at the plate the Lyn put aside. The boys start making a sandcastle, which is really, just a big pile of sand. They are making it a mission to make the castle taller than Sam. Lyn sits with Sam as Eddie runs down the beach to get some wet sand, since; 'its better for building'.

 

Lewis is happily resting against the rock, watching his family (both actual and virtually adopted) playing, when he hears muttering from his right. James is still asleep, but he's shifting about and there's a frown on his face. If Lyn hears, she ignore it, trusting Lewis to know what to do. Just as Robbie is about to try and shake James awake, the younger man's eyes snap open and he runs a shaking hand across his face. Lewis knows now how self conscious about his dreaming James is and so he doesn't comment, instead passing the plate of food over.

"Hungry kidda?" James smiles and takes the food gratefully, as Eddie looks up and sees that he is awake.

"Look Uncle James, we built a castle!"

"Is taller than me Daddy!" James grins. He now understands how Robbie felt when Sam called him Uncle. He gets up out of the chair and swings over to them. With Lyn's help he lies down alongside their castle, and starts helping them to carve steps and secret passageways into it, all the while telling the two boys about the story of "The Grand Knight of the Sand Kingdom." Lewis snorts, he never had the quiet and reserved young man down as such an avid storyteller. But either way, it has Sam and Eddie enthralled for the next hour and a half.

 

A little while later, Eddie tugs on Robbie's arm.

"Granddad? Can we go and look in the rock pools?"

"Aye, go on."

"You have to come too. You need to help us find the crabs." Lewis smiles as Sam takes his other hand and tries to pull him up.

"Wassa rock pool?" Sam pipes up.

"Ok, ok I'm coming. Sam, grab a bucket. We'll need it to catch the shrimps." He heads off down the beach with them, a little boy holding on to each of his hands. James smiles as he watches, again, he can see the sort of father that Robbie Lewis was. Lyn watches him fondly.

"Go on, you know you want to." James smiles ruefully. He's tired, he doesn't want to admit it, but everything is taking its toll on him. He does actually consider being sensible for a few seconds, before he hears Sam squeal in excitement and point at a place in between some rocks. Lyn must sense his inner debate because she holds her hand out to him.

"Come on. I haven't been rock-pooling for ages."

 

She starts to think she shouldn't have pushed him as they get halfway there. His arms are shaking a little when he stands still and he is breathing a little more deeply than normal. But he assures her that he is fine and sure enough, he makes it to the rock pools with out collapsing. He lowers himself down onto a flat-topped rock and Sam and Eddie run over to him holding a bucket.

"We caught a crab Uncle James. We caught two!"

"But Unca Robbie said not to touch, cos'a crab will snip your fin'ers."

"He's right Sammy, they've got those big pincers on their arms there, can you see?"

"Yeah, look. Eddie, there's a pincers." James picks up some sand and puts it in the bucket.

"There, make it a bit like home for the little crab. Its only a baby, Crabs don't like plastic." Hathaway says. Robbie shouts over at them.  
"Come on lads, better let the little fella go. He's had enough of an adventure." Sam nods and runs back to Lewis, leaning into the rock pool. He looks up and shouts to Eddie.

"Eddiiie, we gonna let it go." Eddie shouts back for them to wait.

"Come on Uncle James, you have to see the rock pool."

"Love to mate. But your Uncle James is tired." Eddie glares at James' leg and then his face lights up. "We'll take a picture of it!...Mum? Have you got the camera?" Eddie talks to Lyn and she looks up at James before nodding. He waves his crutch at her and grins.

 

Soon after, they begin to pack everything up. Robbie explains to Sam about tides and how they have to be off the beach before the sea comes to gobble them up. Sam hurriedly starts to pick up all the buckets and Lewis has to stop him quickly to explain that they still have a while yet. Lyn picks up the blankets and the bag full of rubbish and they set off, Robbie pushing the folded chair and James managing to swing himself over the thicker shingle that is at the top of the beach. They get to the stairs and James prepares to start climbing.

"James." Lewis says in a warning tone. The younger man looks around. Lewis is unfolding the wheelchair. He looks like he's going to argue, but he doesn't, aware that he'll lose the fight. Lewis starts to push him once he's settled and he swivels in the chair with a wince.

"Don't be stupid Robbie, you'll break your back, trying to get me up those steps."

"You? You're as light as a feather lad. Anyway, its better than you breaking your neck falling down them."

They get up the steps, and Lewis was right, it wasn't all that much work, he's partly convinced that the chair weighs more than James does. Lewis just keeps pushing the wheelchair up the slope, knowing that if he gives James the chance, he'll try it himself. Its a testament to how tired Hathaway is that he doesn't protest.

"Its brilliant isn't it?" Lewis frowns.

"Eh?" James points up a head where Lyn is walking with the two boys. Eddie has taken Sam's hand in his own and he's matching his pace to the younger boy.

"Aye, seems like your lad has an adopted older brother."

"Thanks Robbie. For everything, taking us in, putting up with the nightmares, looking after Sam, today. Everything." Its out of the blue, and Robbie shakes his head behind James, a fond smile on his face.

"Daft sod. What are friends for?"

"Still. Thank you." Robbie rests a hand on James shoulder for a short time and James moves one of his hands up to cover it. Its only a short moment, before Robbie clears his throat and looks up at the car.

"Come on, better go and help Lyn load up, can't be pushing your lazy arse around all day." James grins.

 

They grab something to eat at a café on the way back and its clear that both Sam and James are tired. Sam is quiet and he's sucking his thumb, one hand grabbing James' arm. James looks pale and a little drawn, Lewis is willing to bet he could do with his painkillers. He's also willing to bet that he left them in his room.

 

James almost sleeps soundly all night, he only wakes up once, and he's nowhere near as panicked as he normally is.

 

*******************************************************

 

They leave early the next day, after all, Lyn has to drive back to Manchester. Hathaway wins the battle to sit in the back this time. Its just as well,. When Lewis looks in the rear mirror, he sees James fast asleep, with both of the kids slumped against him, also asleep. Both Sam and Eddie are holding onto his arms, using his forearms as a pillow. Lyn grins and takes out her camera to take a picture.

 

When they get back to Oxford, Robbie insists that Lyn comes in for a break from driving. Hathaway offers to give her the bed, saying that he and Sam can sleep on the sofa if she wants to stay. But she declines, saying that she wants to go back and get some shopping before Tim gets in the next morning. She eventually gets away after two cups of tea. They see her to the door and all three of them stand there until the car pulls away. Sam tugs at Lewis' trousers and holds his arms up. He's getting sleepy even though its only around half past three in the afternoon. The little boy is happy enough sat in front of the TV watching CBBC, while James and Robbie unpack their stuff.

 

Despite how tired he had been, James manages to help Lewis with the dinner much more successfully. At least, he manages to stand up while chopping vegetables this time. Its when he sits down though, that he realises how much the trip has drained him. Not that he'd have stayed at home. He really enjoyed it and it was lovely to be able to take Sam away. But James is confident that he'll sleep well tonight, purely because he's knackered. He's not so confident that he'll be able to get upstairs.

 

They sit down to sausage and mash, watching Sam happily making a forest out of his broccoli by standing it in his mash potato

"Are you going to eat that?"

"Yes Daddy. But first I'm making a forest." Robbie chuckles, remembering his own kids doing much same thing, that and mixing all their ice cream into gloop before eating it, which he never found appealing.

"Lyn and Ken used to do that when they were his age" James smiles.

"I used to flatten my sandwiches, made them taste better, I'd swear to it."

 

******************************************************

 

Half past eight and all three of them are ready for bed. Sam gets himself changed and brushes his teeth so that James doesn't have to do it for him. Robbie brings up Sam a glass of water, which seems to be becoming a routine. He hugs the little boy and says goodnight to both of them, before heading to his own bed.

 

Three am, sees Robbie awake. Instantly he listens out, and sure enough, he can hear James whimpering. It doesn't appear to have woken Sam this time, but he moves to the spare bedroom nonetheless. Best to nip the bad dream in the bud before it wakes the kid up, and gets too scary for James.

When he gets to the door, he can see James' face is furrowed and he looks like he's been crying a little. He's making small whimpering sounds, but this time, he isn't actually saying anything.

Just as Lewis is about to walk over and wake the younger man up. Sam shifts too. At first, Lewis thinks that he's been woken up by James and is about to come and find Lewis himself. But then he realises that the little boy is still asleep. He watches as Sam snuggles in closer to James and curls into him. He reaches out in sleep and buries his fist in James' pyjama shirt, sighing contentedly as he falls back into deep sleep.

Lewis watches with baited breath, expecting James to jerk awake and disturb the little kid in his panic. But as he observes, James' face smooths out and he brings an arm over to hug Sam close to him, all while still asleep. The ex sergeant has stopped whimpering and there is even a faint smile on his face as he relaxes completely into slumber.

 

Satisfied that both of his lads are safe for the night, Lewis retires to his bed. When he sleeps, its dreamless and entirely free of worry for the first time in nearly a fortnight.


	12. Chapter 12

 

Three weeks later, and James' knee had improved somewhat. He was able to put weight on it now, although going anywhere remained a slow and painful task. He still had to use the crutches, but the wheelchair had been folded for a week an a half.

 

His nightmares had improved a little as well. He hadn't had one for 10 days. Or at least, not up until last night.

Lewis had woken up at half 3 to Sam tugging on his sleeve, and Hathaway screaming in the spare room. He had a harder time waking James than he had any previous times, and he was just starting to get worried before James started awake. He didn't speak, instead breathing fast, and staring at the ceiling. Eventually, Hathaway turned to his side looking for Sam. When James realised Sam wasn't there, he'd turned onto his other side, to see Sam nestled on Lewis' lap asleep.

Worryingly, he didn't say anything, or make a move to take his son. He just kept staring a head, his eyes fixed on a point just past Robbie. Lewis could see that he was mulling over whatever he'd been dreaming about, and whatever it was, it'd really shaken him up.

Robbie reached out and laid a hand on James' shoulder. He rubbed it gently, not letting up until he saw James fall asleep, exactly like he'd done for his kids when they'd had a bad dream. Although, the ex-inspector was aware that this was much more than just a nightmare. Then he laid Sam back down in the bed and pulled the covers over the both of them. He didn't miss James clutch the edge of the duvet tightly, seeking comfort, even in sleep.

 

As he lies in bed, Lewis wonders if James is ready to go home. The idea is obviously troubling him somewhat, he hadn't had a nightmare in the last ten days, surely it's not mere chance that he has another one the day before he is supposed to go back to London. Especially not one that bad. Still, it's up to James at the end of the day. He's a grown man, and Robbie can't look after him, if he doesn't want to be looked after.

 

The next morning Robbie tries to talk to James about it. He decides to take advantage of the fact that Sam is still asleep, despite it being half past ten in the morning.

"Get much sleep last night after...?"

"Enough"

"Didn't have another dream then?"

"No". James is being abrupt, and it's worrying Lewis a lot.

"James. Do you want to talk about last night."

"No"

"Kidda, it seemed like a bad one."

"Yes." Lewis was getting frustrated.

"For gods sake Jim! How long have you known me? I'm trying to help you, idiot."

"Sorry. I...forget it. It's silly."

"Anything that keeps you awake like that is not silly. Anything that makes you so scared that can do nothing but stare at the ceiling is not silly" James nods slowly. He tells Lewis about his dream.

"I...we went back home. And Sam went to bed. I stayed up for a little while. And then...he was crying and when I went to him, I couldn't find the room. There were all these doors, and I was pulling each one open but I couldn't find him. And he was getting more and more scared and shouting for me and I just...I couldn't find him."

"Then you woke up?" James swallows.

"Nah... Then I found him and there were men in his room, holding him and they shot me. I was lying there dying and I couldn't see what was happening." Lewis looks at him sadly as he continues.

"He was screaming. I wanted to sit up and look, tell him it'd be ok. But I was choking. And he was still screaming. Then I heard another gunshot. And then he wasn't screaming." His voice is monotone, detached. He sounds for all the world, like he's repeating the weather report. But Robbie knows better. He can see James' hands shaking as he reaches for his mug and takes a sip of tea. Lewis lays a hand on his arm. They'll have to have the conversation again, he's determined to make Hathaway see that he's right.

"I know you don't think much of this idea Jim, but you do need to see someone about it."

"What, tell some shrink I'm having nightmares? I'm forty three for God's sake. That just sounds pathetic."

"James, adults have nightmares too. Chronic nightmares. Its a medical bleedin' condition."

"...You've looked into this, haven't you?" Lewis nods quickly.

"I'm worried about you lad. I don't care what you say, you're not getting enough sleep. You my boy, are setting yourself up for some serious health problems."

"I'm fine, I have been for ages."

"No, you're not. You're exhausted, you've just become so used to it that you don't notice any more." James looks away, and Robbie knows why. He's bang on the money and what's more, Hathaway knows it. He drives the point home.

"And if you don't care about yourself enough, which is ridiculous in itself, then see someone for Sammy. Whether or not you can handle him on stupidly little amounts of sleep, looking after him will be tricky with anxiety and depression, which you are at a higher risk of developing." James shakes his head.

"How much research have you done?"

"Enough. What happens if he's gonna fall off something, or walk into the road, and your reactions are shot so much that you don't get him out of the way in time eh?" James bows his head and he's silent for a moment. Robbie regrets being so harsh with him, but he wants no, _needs_ , Hathaway to sort himself out.

 

Just then, Sam wanders into the room. He's clutching his blanket in one hand and rubbing his left eye with the other, having clearly just woken up. He stares at them blearily for a few seconds before smiling and heading towards James, holing his hands up to be cuddled. Hathaway picks him up and sits Sam on his lap, smiling slightly as the boy snuggles into his side.

"Mornin' Daddy. Mornin' Unca Robbie" He mumbles. Lewis ruffles his hair and gets up. He'll make the kid breakfast. And after that conversation, the best way he can convince James to go and find help, is to leave him with his child for a while.

 

When he comes back in with a plate of toast, Sam is busily telling James about his plans for police-mobile three.

"This one gonna have wings on. Then it can fly when it goes in'a sea." Sam frowns slightly. "Unca Robbie?"

"Yes kidda?"

"Do you have Lego wings in'a Lego box?"

"Er, I don't know. I don't think they make Lego wings."

"How is the police-mobile gonna fly then?"

"Well Sammy, I don't think we'll have time to make another one." Sam snaps his head round to look up at James.

"Why not?"

"Well, we're going home later." James says this carefully, he doesn't know how Sam will react to this news, after all, they haven't been home for near enough 5 weeks.

"London home?"

"...Yeah, London home."

"Is Unca Robbie coming with us?"

"Er..." This is another thing that James didn't really want to tackle. Then Lewis comes to the rescue.

"Y'know, I was thinking-"

"-Careful"

"Ha bloody ha. No seriously, I should give you a lift back to London."

"Nah We'll catch the train. Simple, I don't live that far from Euston on the tube."

"...With luggage and a four year old? Not to mention the fact that you're still using crutches. Since you can only put what 50% weight on your knee, how do you think you're gonna carry everything? It was crazy enough that you managed to get it all here on your own and that was with two fully functioning legs."

"Well yeah, it'll be tricky."

"I'll drop you home lad. S'not that far to London, hour and a half thereabouts."

"According to google maps, yeah. That doesn't account for traffic though. Thank you Robbie, Its very kind of you."

"No problem."

 

James makes a game out of packing their stuff up, encouraging Sam to help. The little boy walks around picking up discarded cars. It doesn't take them long to pack all of James and Sam's things up.

Lewis is aware that James is being slow on purpose. He's not going to push the issue, James is going to have to tell him what's bothering him, he's not a bloody mind reader. The only thing that worries him a bit, is that Sam is picking up on it. He's becoming clingy and whiny. And its the first time the little boy has deliberately gone out of his way to misbehave.

 

_He'd gone to find the kid to tell him lunch was ready, and found Sam sat on the floor, pulling all of his toy's out of the bag._

_"What are you doing kidda?" Sam looks up at him, his expression one of pure guilt. Robbie doubts that the child even knows why he's doing it, except for some subconscious knowledge that his Dad is less than happy about going home. Once Sam realises that he's been caught, he pulls his toys back towards him, and starts to put them back in the bag. Robbie helps him and by the end of it, Sam is smiling a little._

_"I sorry."_

_"Yeah I know, just don't do it again eh? Don't wanna make extra work for your Dad."_

_"Nope, otherwise his leg will hurt." Robbie smiles._

_"That's right. Come on lad, lunch time."_

 

The last little bits of packing were severely hampered by Sam's insistence that he wanted to go to the park. James and Lewis decided that, since there was only a little more packing to do, and since it'd do James good to walk about a little, they should go. Packing up a football, a tennis ball and a Frisbee into a bag, they headed out, going to the same park Lewis had taken Sam to on the day James had gone back to London.

The day was warm and Sam was in high spirits, bouncing on Robbie's shoulders as James walked slowly along side them. He winced a few times, when he put a little too much weight on his knee, but as long as he took it slow and steady, he was ok. Lewis made sure he didn't push himself too hard.

Once they had got into the park, Hathaway lowered himself down onto a bench carefully and grinned as Sam immediately set upon the bag, pulling the frisbee out.

"Come on Unca Robbie...we play frisbee." Lewis groans theatrically as he gets up from his seat on the bench next to Hathaway.

"M'gettin' too old for this." Sam ignores him, pulling on his arm until he's sure that Lewis is following him. Hathaway watches them both play, cursing his knee, and wishing that he could join in properly. But this isn't like it was at the beach, and with the best will in the world, there is no way that he could support himself well enough to play frisbee. Or indeed pick the damn thing up if he drops it. Suddenly, Sam shouts for Lewis to stop, and he runs over to the bench, swapping the frisbee for the tennis ball. He then runs back to Lewis, standing behind the older man and pushing at his legs until Robbie walks forward.

"Sam...what are you-?" Sam stops pushing and then runs away from Robbie a few feet. He turns to survey them with his hands planted on his hips, a beaming smile on his face.

"There. Now Daddy can play too." Sam throws the ball to James, all extra effort and uncoordinated limbs. Hathaway just manages to catch it, grinning as he throws it to Robbie. The ex-inspector is shaking his head at the four-year-olds antics and smiling, as Sam jumps up and down with excitement.

After nearly an hour of this, they finally head back to Robbie's house.

 

****************************************************

 

Its nearly nine pm when they finally leave, Hathaway settles into the passenger seat with a little wince. Lewis puts the car into gear and sets off. He avoids the pot hole this time. When they've been driving for an hour, James speaks quietly.

"You know, we won't get there until eleven."

"That's ok isn't it? If you wanted to leave earlier-"

"No, no. I was just thinking, even if you left straight away, you wouldn't get back home until near enough half one in the morning."

"Ah, I'll be fine lad."

"No. You must be knackered. Stay the night. You can have my bed, we've got a spare I'll sleep on."

"Jim, I'm not taking your bed."

"Its...its no problem." Lewis gives him a shrewd look.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'...just not sure how I feel about sleeping in my bed. Chrissy you know. All the feelings sort of brought back after everything."

"Well, if you're sure. But you're going to have to sleep there sometime James."

"I know, I know." He glances in the rear view mirror, before smiling softly and twisting in his seat to look at Sam.

The little boy is fast asleep. He's turned on his side and his thumb is in his mouth. His comfort blanket is scrunched behind his head. Every now and then, he shifts and mumbles in his sleep. Robbie glances in the mirror and there's a tender look on his face.

"He's a brilliant little kid James. You better not lose touch this time mate, I'll miss you both too much."

"He is, isn't he?" Lewis can't miss the pride in James' voice and he grins. "I won't fall out of touch this time. I'm thinking of moving back up to Oxford. There's not really much in London for me now." Lewis nods, he can see why the younger man would think that.

 

They pull up and immediately Hathaway gets out of the car. Taking the crutches out of the back, he bends down and picks Sam up, the little boy subconsciously settling on his shoulder. Its when he starts to limp towards the door, that he realises what a bad plan this is. His knee makes its discomfort felt, and he can't help but gasp as he crosses over the threshold. Suddenly, Lewis is at his elbow, steadying him, and taking Sam out of his arms.

 

They have a quick sandwich each and then try to make moves to go to bed. Sam seems unsure of his room. He keeps glancing towards his bedroom window. Its clear that he's remembering the last time he was in the room, when he'd seen the masked man in the garden, and his Dad had freaked out. He becomes increasingly clingy and won't let James leave. Even shutting the curtains won't work because "then the nasty man can get to the window and I won't even see him a'fore its too late." All of James and Robbie's insisting that the nasty men are locked away and they can't get to the house, doesn't mollify the youngster. In the end, Robbie goes to get a glass of water for Sam, on the off chance that the little boy actually agrees to go to sleep.

 

 

While he is in the kitchen, he hears Hathaway playing guitar upstairs. The lad discovered that if he balanced it properly, he'd be able to play it, damaged knee or not. The song is something else country-like and melancholy. Heading towards the noise, now holding a cup of water, he catches a snatch of the lyrics, and recognises it immediately as Johnny Cash.

 _"Train of love's a-leavin', leavin' my heart grievin'_  
But early or late, I sit and wait, because I'm still believin'  
We'll walk away together, though I may wait forever  
Every so often everybody's baby gets the urge to roam  
But everybody's baby but mine's comin' home"

Lewis shook his head. No wonder the lad was so morose most of the time. Every time he picked up that damn guitar, he ended up singing songs that could only be reminding him of the fact that his wife was dead.

Like last time, James trailed off when he noticed that Lewis was standing by the door frame listening. Sam frowned as the music stopped, and Lewis wondered if he really took notice of the lyrics.

"Robbie?"

"Don't you know anything happy Jim? That isn't about heartbreak or death or something?" James smirked and Lewis was suddenly on his guard.

"I do know a few yes. Could do one from your...era."

"Ja-mes..." Lewis says warningly, but Hathaway just chuckles and within seconds, the opening chords of "La Bamba" are playing out. James doesn't sing the words, and Lewis suspects that he doesn't actually know them. He waits until James is done and then mock scowls at him.

"For your information, I was only seven when Ritchie Valens released that. Its not from my 'era'." There is no way that Robbie is going to give James the satisfaction of knowing that he liked it.

"...You know when it was released, and who released it...how is that not from your era?" Lewis grins ruefully, and James carries on. "Unless you were more of a Flanders and Swann kinda guy."

"Sod off you cheeky bugger, "he says grinning. "I bet you listened to some right dodgy stuff when you was a nipper."

"I have always had an excellent taste in music, thank you very much."

"Bollocks."

"I was always more eloquent than that too." The tone is biting, but the expression on James' face is pure cheek.

"Get away with ya." They both jump as the guitar twangs. Sam has crawled across the bed and placed his hands carefully on the guitar, before pulling on the strings and smiling at the noise created. James grins and pushes the instrument onto the bed.

"You be careful with that mate." Hathaway pushes himself up off the bed and grabs the crutches, holding himself in a standing position. He's grinning from ear to ear as Sam gently plucks at the strings, smiling as he gets different notes.

 

Eventually, Sam falls asleep, one hand flat on the body of the guitar. Between them, James and Robbie get him under his duvet and the guitar gets put away. Lewis tries again, to get James to sleep in his own bed, but its not going to happen and they say goodnight.

 

Lewis hears a creak when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Its probably nothing, but he knows he won't rest easy until he has investigated. Besides, he needs to go to the bathroom anyway. He walks past the spare bedroom where Hathaway is sleeping. He's surprised to see Sam in there, trying to climb onto the bed without waking his father.

"What you doing?" He says quietly.

"Daddy was scared...I went a'toilet an' he was mumbling things an' he looked scared. An' I not wanna sleep in my room cos of'a bad men at the window in case they come back."

"They won't come back Sammy"

"Might be more different bad men" Sam retorts as he clambers up onto the bed and slides in next to James. Lewis can't really argue with that, he can't promise that no one else in the world is ever going to be nasty to the kid, however much he wants to be able to.

"Ok then, just make sure you don't wake your Dad up, he needs his sleep."

"Ok Unca Robbie. I maked Daddy not scared now anyway." Its true, what ever expression James had on his face before, its gone now, replaced with calm. Sam has obediently shut his eyes too and he placed his thumb in his mouth, welcoming sleep. Lewis shakes his head, the kid is right, who is he to argue, they clearly need each other. He goes back to bed and sleeps.

 

******************************************************

 

In the morning, Lewis goes down stairs and James has just finished cooking bacon and eggs. Lewis stands in the living room, listening to the chatter of the father and son.

"Why you need oil?""

"To cook it with."

"But why?" Lewis grins as he listens. 'Why?' had been Ken's favourite word when he was four.

"It wouldn't get hot enough on its own. There we are, finished."

"Do the steam thing."

"Ok. You ready?"

"Noooo! Wait I need'a see" Robbie has to admit that he's intrigued by this 'steam thing'. He sticks his head around the door and sees Sam stood on a stool, holding onto the handle of the fridge. He's craning his neck as Hathaway holds the frying pan over the washing up bowl.

"Ready now?" Sam nods eagerly. "Make sure you stand back Sam, its hot." The little kid shuffles back on the stool and gives James a thumbs up. Hathaway grins and drops the pan in the water. He jumps back, laughing as the hot pan hisses and steam leaps up to the ceiling. Sam squeals in delight and giggles. He climbs off the stool and rushes over to the sink, dragging the stool with him and climbing up to watch the water bubbling. Lewis grins at their antics, before turning to look at James.

The younger man is pale, sat on a chair and clutching his knee.

"Hathaway? Shit, James are you ok?"

"Yeah...might've just...y'know...forgot about...the 50%...weight thing." Lewis shakes his head as Sam walks over, concern on his face.

"Daddy? Did you get burned?"

"...No...no, Don't worry..." Sam frowns but he doesn't push the point, wandering off to play. Lewis crouches down in front of James.

"Are you sure you're ok kidda?" James takes a deep breath and nods.

"Er yeah...Probably should have used both crutches." He takes another deep breath and pulls himself up. Robbie steadies him, letting go only when he's sure that Hathaway is truly ok. He then picks up the bacon and eggs.

"Come on, might as well eat this breakfast now that you've gone and injured yourself for it."

 

*************************************************

 

After breakfast, they go to the shops. Lewis insists. He knows that James is still unable to drive, and also that the ex sergeant will find it hard to carry large amounts back from anywhere, especially since he'll have to watch Sam as well. So he tells James that he'll take him to the shops in his car. They end up buying a load of tinned food and Sam manages to convince them that its in their best interests to buy him chocolate.

 

*************************************************

 

Eventually, it comes to the time, that Lewis has to leave. He has shopping of his own to do, and James really needs to be left alone to get used to his house again. Sam seems to be unfazed by it all, although he's still reluctant to go anywhere near the garden.

"I better be going mate." James nods.

"You're sure the drive'll be ok?" Lewis smiles.

"Course it will. Stop worrying kidda."

"At least let me give you money for the petrol. Hell, for everything, you've practically carried us the last month and a bit."

"Aye, and I'd do it again. You'd have done it for me Jim. No don't insult me by offering it again."

"But-"

"-Leave it." Hathaway sighs and shrugs, but he drops the point. Sam has stopped playing now, aware that something is changing. Lewis gets up and puts on his coat, and the kid immediately jumps up.

"Where you going Unca Robbie?"

"I'm going home kidda." It is slowly dawning on Sam that Robbie is leaving.

"No. I not want you to go. You have to stay here."

"I have to go laddie, can't live here in your Dad's house forever can I?"

"Why not?" Lewis picks Sam up and hugs him. The little boy clings to him and Robbie is aware that his eyes are going to lose the fight to stay dry soon. _Sentimental old fool,_ he scolds himself as he sets the boy down.

"Because, I have me own house don't I kidda? Gotta go and look after it." Sam's face crumples and he starts to cry a bit. Not loudly or anything though, just sort of grumbling.

"Sorry Jim, looks like I've upset him."

"Ah, he'll be alright. There's a reason I didn't give him his chocolate yet." Lewis grins slightly. Hathaway shifts on the crutch.

"You take care of yourself Hathaway, alright? Do what the doctor's tell you and...just look after yourself."

"Yes Dad."

"Shut up Jim" Lewis says grinning. "Oh come here lad." Lewis gives James a one armed hug, before pulling away and looking down where Sam is trying to squeeze between them, arms held up to James. Hathaway picks him up and settles him on his right hip, leaning a little more heavily on his crutch. They both wave Lewis off as he drives away in the direction of Oxford. The promise of chocolate does indeed stop Sam from crying all over again.

 

When Lewis gets into his house 2 hours later, he immediately spots one of Sam's cars under the chair. He heads upstairs, looking to unpack his over night bag. Once in his bedroom, he sees a piece of paper lying on his pillow. Its a drawing of Sam, Hathaway and Robbie himself at the park. In truth, he only knows this because each person has their names written above them in James' familiar scrawl. Robbie takes it downstairs and sticks it up on his fridge, shaking his head.

He's going to miss having those two around.

 

 

*****************************************************

 

Sam is fine, right up until its time for bed. Hathaway spends 15 minutes convincing him that no one was going to come through his window. He's just got him to get under the covers and he's about to leave when Sam speaks.

"Can't sleep."

"You haven't even tried Sammy."

"I know I can't sleep. Want Unca Robbie"

"He's at home now Sammy."

"Miss Unca Robbie." Sam is pouting and James thinks its adorable.

"I know you do mate. But we'll see him again."

"When is again?"

"I dunno. "

"Tomorrow?"

"No. Not tomorrow." James sighs, his knee hurts, his painkillers are downstairs and its clear that Sam doesn't want to go to sleep any time soon. Then he has a brainwave. Glancing at his watch, he sees that its only seven thirty. Its not too late.

"Would you feel better if we called Uncle Robbie up eh?" Sam nods slowly and smiles, rushing to go and get the phone

 

 

"Robbie?"

"James? What is it? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. This isn't a bad time is it?"

"No, no its fine, just watching crap television. Why, what's wrong?" James smiles at the concern creeping into Lewis' voice.

"Nothing's really wrong. Its just Sam won't go to sleep. He misses you."

"Ah, put him on." James hands the phone over to Sam, smiling as the boy wriggles upright in bed. He hears Robbie thank Sam for the picture and grins, going downstairs to make himself a cup of tea. When he comes back, he can hear Lewis reading a Thomas the Tank Engine book to him, and James realises they must have left one there. The book ends, and James takes the phone out of his son's unresisting grasp.

"He's fallen asleep...Thank you, I didn't know how to make him go to bed."

"No problem James, any time"

"I'll try not to call you every night. He's still scared of the garden, and his window."

"It'll take time Jim, but if he ever wants to call me, don't worry about it. Worst that can happen is that I'll be asleep and I won't answer the phone."

"Cheers. Night Robbie."

"Night kidda."

 

************************************************************************

 

Three days later, James is on the computer, while Sam plays near by. He checks his emails and sees that he's received one from Lewis.

_James,_

_Thought you'd like these. Our Lyn is a sneaky lass make no mistake. Anyway, hope you and Sammy are well, I'll give you a call this week sometime._

_Robbie._

_P.S. I swear, even I don't know when she managed to take some of these._

 

The bar above the email says ' 8 attachments'. James clicks on them, and one by one, the photographs open up in a new window. There's one of him lying on the sand, helping the kids with their sand castle. There's another of Sam and Eddie playing together, while Robbie watches, smiling. There's the promised photo of the rock-pool, complete with crab. The last photo is of James and the kids asleep on the back seat of the car. Hathaway grins happily, he's going to print these out on photo paper. Apart from a few pictures of himself, Chrissy and Sam together, there aren't really any memories like that around the flat. He goes back to a photo of Sam looking up into the camera and offering Lyn a pebble with a big grin on his face, setting it as his background. James calls Sam over to look at them and his son giggles when he sees the sandcastle. When he's shown Sam all the photographs, he settles into the seat more, already mentally composing a reply to Lewis.

 

He rather suspects that the grin on his face will stay there for a good few days.

 

 

 


End file.
